Is this what bilateral breast surgery really looks like?
I had wanted an immediate diep reconstruction. I chose diep, as I didn't like the idea of having foreign matter inserted, particularly as I'm highly allergic.
My surgeon had strongly recommended that I opt for delayed reconstruction. She said that the priority should be getting on with the cancer treatment. She felt that any complications with healing from a reconstruction would delay my treatment. However, if I insisted on a reconstruction, she would do it.
I secretly suspected that the reason was more to do with managing resources. I imagined there was an administrator somewhere with a spreadsheet setting out the upper age at which a woman can live without boobs!
They were not to know that at 58, I was living my best life and my boobs were part of that.
The clincher that swayed me towards delayed reconstruction, was the news that I'd need genetic testing and if positive, I'd need to have a double mastectomy. Diep reconstruction could only be done once.
So here I am.
The surgery is done. One breast is gone and the other is irrevocably changed.
On my mastectomy side, I am left with some lumpy bulging on the internal side of the scar.
The lumpectomy breast has not fared much better. As the swelling reduced, the dimpling and puckering grew more apparent.
My central chest/cleavage line is now scewed to the right, seemingly due to the stitching of the lumpectomy scar.
Luckily, all of the cancer was removed in my surgery. Though that makes me very happy, I can't help feeling resentful that I was denied an immediate reconstruction and have been left with such a poor cosmetic outcome.
Yes, my bust is a car crash.
Breast Surgery for cancer isn't just about removing the cancer. We have to live with the much changed bodies we're left with, whilst simultaneously navigating this whole cancer nightmare.
This isn't about vanity, it's about survivng and thriving.
