Still really stuggling to come to terms with the fact that Mum has gone. I'm not sleeping very well, drinking far too much alcohol and starting arguments with my boyfriend over frankly silly and minor things (usually after I've had a bottle of wine).
I've been to see my GP who has prescribed antidepressants for a month's trial. I have in the past been on and off various antidepressants for 8 years and am reluctant to go back on them, as I hate having to rely on them. I will try them again though to try and stabilise my mood and keep me on an even keel.
My brother and Dad seem to coping far better than me......
I had a horrendous weekend as I had to help out at my Dad's shop and post office at the drop of a hat, as Dad had plans and went off in his motorhome. I had to go up to Taunton and do the dreaded papers as the usual paper man was off. This involves getting up at 3am to go and collect the papers from 2 suppliers at opposite ends of Taunton, to then count them them, insert all the weekend supplements in them to then put all the paper boys and girls rounds together to then drop them off at their houses and then do 5 paper rounds myself. I feel like I haven't had a weekend at all and that Dad was really selfish as he made me feel guilty and that I didn't have a choice. I had plans too which I had to cancel! Grrrrr!
I'm at work at the moment and have absolutely no motivation as so exhausted and drained from the weekend. Am cross at Dad aswell.
I'm so jealous when I see all my friends on Facebook, as they have their perfect lives with their perfect houses, perfect husbands, perfects jobs and perfect children and that they take their parents for granted. I seem to be going nowhere fast and can't seem to move on. :'-(
I know I'm moaning, but just feel so alone and that no-one wants to know or really help.
Sarah xx
FormerMember
You poor poor sausage...
I've not lost someone close, so I wont pretend to know what it feels like, but I do send you a virtual hug.
Breathe. - Thats all the advice I feel qualified to give. Have you told your friends you'd like some love atm? I emailed a few friends and asked them to pester me a bit as I needed some friendship. Also I argue with the boyfriend - then when i realise Ive done it due to circumstances I tell him i will probably do it again, but that Im sorry. I am lucky - he's understands me better than I do. And I also get annoyed with other people having happy lives - or more to the point moaning about trivial things - sometimes I want to point out that worse things could be happening to them!
Good luck with the antideps, I think its important to accept help when we need it - not that I'm very good at taking my own advice! - But I'm getting better!
I look around too and feel cross with my friends for having 'normal' lives... they are trying to be kind to me but I hate meeting up with them because I have to hear more and more about how 'normal' they are. Then I come home and hate myself for blaming them. This is a symptom of grief and you are feeling it for your mom and I'm feeling it for the life I think I've lost.
I felt it too 10 years ago when I lost my mom. I had my dad move in with us and I was especially angry and resentful with him because I thought he was selfish. I know this sounds like a cliche but time does heal.....
