My lovely brave wonderful Mum lost her battle with liver cancer 6th of May. I haven't been on here for a few weeks as it has been too painful and emotional. Her funeral was on the 15th of May. It was a beautiful and moving service and I read out a couple of poignant poems.
I still can't believe she's gone, everything reminds me of her. I know the cliche of 'time is a healer' and I'm hoping it's true as I am still very raw and very much hurting emotionally.
I get so angry and ask why her, she was only 56 and fit all her life, non-smoking and rarely drank. It just seems so unfair and unjust.
Feel really lost and cannot look to the future; I have no motivation. She'll never get to see her Grandchildren when I have kids, she will not see them growing up. She will not be there when I get married. I sometimes wonder what's the point, why go through the motions of living, when you feel so empty.....
My Dad is coping ok, think he puts a brave face on. I know he is lonely and that the evenings and nights are the worst. Dad says that one of the hardest things is not having Mum there to consult and make decisions together. My brother is ok I think too, although he's never really been much of a talker when he comes down to emotions. I don't think he's even visited Mum's grave yet, but I'm not judging, we all cope with things in our own way.
I go to Mum's grave quite regularly; the first time was the hardest; felt so real and final.
I like to think that Mum is some kind of angel looking down on me, and that she is proud of me. I'm not deeply religious but I feel we all have souls and that we go to heaven.
I really do miss my Mum, and would do anything to turn back the clock to just have that bit longer with her.
Sarah xx
I lost my 32 year old brother to secondary liver cancer 2 months ago and is one of the hardest things we've all went through in our lives.
Like yourself there are so many questions which no-one can answer which makes it so frustrating. I wasn't very religious either but our local priest knew my brother and had a chat with us and now I do believe in heaven and that they all look down on us and can hear us.
One thing that comforted me a little was that maybe our loved ones are taken to help save us at some point in our lives. Maybe its helping their child, grandchild etc. I know you would rather have them here though but when Im having really bad days I think of that.
Time is a good healer, it will never ever take away the pain but it won't be as raw and hopefully there will come a time when you can speak about your mum and laugh rather than cry.
Love Romana x
FormerMember
so sorry to her about your mum i lost my father 2 weeks ago on the 3rd of june he had prostat and liver cancer and he never told us about it in his liver he had known for a year i no its very hard and unjust my father was only a young man like your mother and i still cant believe he is gone dont let anger eat you up inside remember the good times and if your mum went through what my dad did would you really wish her back in all that pain?? we all have our own selfish needs and i understand how hard it is but she is free now remember the good times and dont get bitter honour her memory thats what she would of wanted my love to you xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
FormerMember
Hi, I am so very sorry to hear of your sad loss. I lost my husband, Simon, in February. Like you, I visit my husband's grave frequently. It is very peaceful. Everytime a nice thing happens I think, Simon is watching over me. One comfort is that Simon is no longer in pain and gradually our happy memories are coming back.
I don't think I will ever get over it, but I will learn to cope with the pain better as time goes by.
Take care, Naoko
FormerMember
Hi Sarah,
So very sorry about your Mum, the only thing I can say in comfort is that she is now at peace.
You will come to think that way too in time. I lost my wonderful sister to Ovarian Cancer suddenly, no-one expected it to happen and it was such a shock. I missed her terribly and still do but now I can smile when I think of her and no longer cry. I'm just so happy for the years we had together. Your Mum will be watching over you for sure. Just look out for butterflies, pick the most beautiful one you see and watch it and think of your Mum. This seems like a long dark tunnel with no end to it, but there will be light soon.
