Mum has gone....

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My lovely brave wonderful Mum lost her battle with liver cancer 6th of May. I haven't been on here for a few weeks as it has been too painful and emotional. Her funeral was on the 15th of May. It was a beautiful and moving service and I read out a couple of poignant poems. I still can't believe she's gone, everything reminds me of her. I know the cliche of 'time is a healer' and I'm hoping it's true as I am still very raw and very much hurting emotionally. I get so angry and ask why her, she was only 56 and fit all her life, non-smoking and rarely drank. It just seems so unfair and unjust. Feel really lost and cannot look to the future; I have no motivation. She'll never get to see her Grandchildren when I have kids, she will not see them growing up. She will not be there when I get married. I sometimes wonder what's the point, why go through the motions of living, when you feel so empty..... My Dad is coping ok, think he puts a brave face on. I know he is lonely and that the evenings and nights are the worst. Dad says that one of the hardest things is not having Mum there to consult and make decisions together. My brother is ok I think too, although he's never really been much of a talker when he comes down to emotions. I don't think he's even visited Mum's grave yet, but I'm not judging, we all cope with things in our own way. I go to Mum's grave quite regularly; the first time was the hardest; felt so real and final. I like to think that Mum is some kind of angel looking down on me, and that she is proud of me. I'm not deeply religious but I feel we all have souls and that we go to heaven. I really do miss my Mum, and would do anything to turn back the clock to just have that bit longer with her. Sarah xx
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