Have had a fairly ok day today. Took my kids out for the day with some other mums from school.
Have been feeling guilty though that I have had a good day and that i've been able to talk about Dad without breaking up. I still feel that I should be crying all day.After all its only been 5 days since my darling Dad died.Its really strange but I looked at a photo of Dad today and I thought I would feel so much pain,but I did'nt, its only as im writing this now that the tears have started. Is that it, was those first couple of days my grieving, I cant understand how I am carrying on fairly normally when I loved my Dad so much. Sorry if this don't make too much sence, I'm just writing whats in my mind.
I dont think that there are normal or right feelings and emotions when it comes to loosing a loved one Sarah.When i found out that I was going to lose my lovely mum i honestly thought that when she died i would go to pieces and and curl up into a ball and someone would have to roll me into corner and leave me there,but you know what the total opposite happened.I was totally on the ball sorting everything and everybody out making sure everything would be ok.I like you thought that there must be something wrong with me,how can i be so calm,unemotional(normaly i cry at anything and am very emotional)it just wasnt me.Then one time when i actually sat down and thought about it and talked to someone about how i was acting they said that if my mum could talk to me now she would tell me how proud of me she was and that she didnt want me to be upset she would want me to remember the good times.Sarah im sure your dad would say the same thing,dont be upset for me smile about the good times.
Sarah I lost my mum 9 years ago but it only seems like yesterday and it hurts just as much now as it did then but everytime i feel sad or down i just remember mums smile and the goodtimes,it doesnt stop the tears but it does make me smile and cry at the same time.
Sarah you will deal with losing your dad in your own way and you mustn't feel bad about the good days or feeling good.Life has to go on as they say no matter how hard it is.Dad wouldn't want you to be sad he would want you to be happy.
I lost my dad very suddenly many years ago and I still can't listen to 'Abide with me' without breaking down. My stepdad is now in the last stages of lung cancer, and I think I'm already grieving for him, as sometimes I feel strong and other times I cry al ot at the most ridiculous time. Grief is different for everyone and you have to take each day at a time - but it will get better. Please don't feel guilty if you have a good day - I'm pretty sure your dad wouldn't want that.
