I wish I could get my head together and sort my mind out.One minute im crying the next im ok. I know, full well that my Dad died, I was there. But it does'nt seem real to me. I cant really comprehend that hes gone. Am I in denial ? am I mad? I expect to go to his house and hes still there. Been sorting through my photos of him tonight and when I look at the photos pre cancer which was only 10 months ago, I see Dad, Dad who's always been there, Dad which part of me thinks is still here. Still feeling angry with the doctors, angry with myself even a bit cross with my poor old mum. I wish things would slot into place in my head, I think even my kids think i've gone a bit unstable. Strange when usually i'm strong and practicle. I did my reiki 1, 2 years ago and found the 21 days of self healing very calming. I think i need to find the time to reconnect with my spiritual side and do my self healing again.
This blog don't make an awfull lot of sense but it stops me from talking to myself xx
FormerMember
You are not mad, and everything that you are experiencing is only natural. I lost my mum 5yrs ago and went through the same as you are. It seems so unreal and you cannot begin to believe what is happening. You are going to have sad days, days when you sit and think of all the happy memories, but you will also have angry days. All I can say is that time is a great healer, it won,t go away your sad loss but you just learn to cope with it easier. Take care, try and stay strong for your children and your mum and I think it is a great idea, go and do your reki, try anything, but remember it does not matter about feeling angry it will gradually get easier for you, it takes time. All the best and take care and treasure all your wonderful memories of your Dad.
What you describe is part of normal grieving, Sarah. Be nice to yourself. And remember that your dad IS there, he will always be there, for as long as you remember him. He lives on in you.
As everyone here says it is a normal grieving process. 6 months after my husband passing away, I still finds the whole thing unreal. I visit his grave almost everyday and still feel I should be waking up from this nightmare soon.
I am sorry I don't have any solution for you but I am hanging onto a biggest healer - time.
