8 weeks today since Dad died.

1 minute read time.

FormerMember

15 Oct 2009

I Hate Thursdays !! I wake up with a dread now every thursday morning as I know that it signifies another week since my Dad died.

Today was bad. It was my boys school Harvest Festival in the local church today. I should be there really as its the first year all 3 of my boys have been in the same school, they wanted me there especially the youngest. He said this morning, I want you and Dad to be there. I told him that his Dad could'nt go as he was at work but promised that I would go. well, I did'nt. How bad is that. Breaking a promise to a 7 year old. I did actually make it into the church but after sitting there for a few minutes with my friend I could'nt help it I burst into tears and had to leave. I now feel terrible for letting my children down. I took myself up to the churchyard where Dad used to go to sit and had a damned good cry. told him how much i missed him and how much I wanted a hug from him again. Back home now with a cup of coffee and some really naughty millionairs shortbread bites. so much for my diet. I just feel so miserable at the moment. I have to pull myself together though as my eldest has a hospital appt in an hour and a quarter and I can't really turn up there looking all tearstained.

How long does these sudden outbursts of grief go on for. If only we could turn back time and do things differently. If only Dad was still here

FormerMember over 15 years ago

It will happen for a while but as time passes the depth of the grief will lessen. Gradually and almost without you realising you will start to wake on a thursday and your dad wont be the first thought and when you do remember a fond memory will make you smile rather than make you cry. Eventually it will only be on those special anniversaries or at a special family event that your sadness will cumulate in tears but even that gradually will lessen as the years go by until finally the memory becomes a treasured and joyful full of happy times not the pain of the final days. Do not let yourself linger over the what if's it is almost certainly not what your Dad would have wanted.

Let yourself cry and grieve while you need to but once you find you are able to smile don't feel guilty about it.

I lost my stepfather, the man who had raised me from a toddler, when I was 12, that was about 18 years ago at Christmas. We cried a lot at first but over the years we have laughed and smiled as we have remembered the good times before the Leukemia. Christmas is still a joyful time in our home. His memory serves to remind us all of the importance of appreciating each other.

Much love Hayley
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FormerMember over 15 years ago

You will get thru this sarah and your feelings of misery loss and bereavement will gradually change to warm comforting memories of your special relationship with your Dad. Its a process that is unique for everyone. Sending you caring loving thoughts, Karen xox
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