where's your smile gone?

i went to see the oncologist today , the first time since we got the biopsy results back. well talk about awkward . she's normally quite a smiley chatty and posative woman . today she was very very different. i was trying to get a small laugh or smile but not today , today was serious talk................................ its not good , i knew it wasn't but still doesn't prepare you for it. if the results of the pet on wednesday shows no spread then there is a small very small chance of gettting the cancer under control again with chemo , radio and surgery . but and this is a big but ( no pun intended ) its very likely, as i've been in so much pain that the cancer has spread.if this is the case then the only option is chemo but they wouldn't reccomend it as it won't rid me of the cancer just prolong the inevitable. didn't expect them to say that. i'm 35 years old with 5 children .it doesn't seem right that my time might be up. i guess if there can be a brighter note , they are washing there hands of me and handing me completely over to the marsden , she said they really do not know what to do with me and what the best coarse would be and that the marsden may have trials that would help. all in all quite grim