i've had a bad week , health wise. on monday i had the gp out to discuss problems i had with the hospital and she also put me on new slow release pain killers ( oxycontin ).the problems i had with the hospital are
1 why have they delayed treatment until mid october , this would be 11 weeks from diagnosis
2 how on earth can they expect me to sit in a chair , even a recliner, for 7 1/2 hours for chemo once a week. i can't even sit in a chair for an hour at home
3. why have i been given 3 different desisions on treatment plan from the 3 consultants.
the gp gp got back to me on friday , and said she had contacted the ocologist and was told
1. they are delaying treatment as it is a fairly complex radiotherapy and it takes this long to set up
2 the chemo is actually an hour long the other 6 1/2 hours is spent giving me saline.
3. the difference in treatment plan is because they all disagree! lol
none of the answers reassure me , not in the slightest . 7 weeks ago today it was my son's birthday and we went bowling , walked along the seafront and had a meal out. today i tried to walk to the end of the road , my little bit of independance going to get a paper. i just about managed to get to the shop , my legs wobbling as i stood to pay . i just kept think of how stupid i would look if my legs went from under me . then i had to try and get home , literally at the end of the road. i never realised how difficult it could be to put one foot in front of the other, i just thought to myself ' just one more step and i'll be home'.
i made it ..just i think i fell through the door . my partner got me up to bed and i've been here all day. so here i am 9 weeks after i was diagnosed , a long time after i thought they might help me , and i'm struggling to put one foot in front of the other. and the icing on the cake .. i have another 2 weeks to wait before they even start treatment . i feel like they've just left me . i saw my 15 year old daughter today for the first time in a week and even though i tried really hard to look normal , i could see the fear and confusion in her eyes . i look far from normal.
i tried the new painkillers for a while but they just made me more dizzy and wobbly on my feet so i'm just sticking to oramorph and paracetimol. i've asked my partner not to call the doctor , partly because i'm afraid they will rush me in , but i think if i get any worse he will take that desision out of me hands . i can honestly say i've never felt so helpless.
