ok you are all probably fed up with reading my blogs this week , i'm a bit like waiting for a bus ,don't get any for a while then dozens come at once! apologies its becoming a tough week.
i really need some help on dealing with this day to day i know its early days but i'm finding it so hard. i'm finding it really difficult to stay positive and the prospect of having more treatment is heartbreaking i'm scared stiff.
i did have a mcmillian nurse but she wasn't really one because i live quite rural they didn't have one here, so i had a counselor from the local hospice and she really didn't help much , just listened to me moan on and nodded her head..
i thought before i had the news on monday that i was quite well that i couldn't have cancer again because i was feeling alright. but since then i feel a bit like Samson , lost all my strength. i feel like its got me already.since the punch biopsy on monday i've been in such pain but i don't know if i should call the hospital , its my son's birthday on friday and i don't want to spend it in hospital ,is that being silly?
.i have my pet scan next wednesday and the hospital is supposed to call me on friday to tell me what they plan to do.i've always been one of these need to know people , now i'm wondering if i should just play dumb and tell them not to tell me the full gory details maybe that will protect me. i read other peoples blogs and there are people alot worse off than me out there and they manage to carry on day after day , treatment after treatment and i wonder how they do it .i'm so sorry this isn't a positive blog and yesterday i had some really good pm's from someone with some good advice which i will take up and that gave me a little to fight for. i lost my mother to cancer 8 years ago and i lost my father a few months ago..i feel totally lost and alone and it all seems so difficult ..so when u feel like i feel just how do you manage to put your best foot forword.
