How to plan a funeral when your dad is still alive

1 minute read time.

Im in such a sad place at the moment. I cant stop crying as I write this. Why do we have to go through so much pain. I ask a friend on here what do I say and she said just write from the heart. My wonderful dad was diognoised on the 8 March with oesophagus cancer. Went through lots of tests and could only have 10 days of radiotherapy which nearly killed him. But dad has been so strong and never once complained. He has now been put  in the hands of willen hospice and no more can be done. I see the pain going through his body and you just wonder what all those pain killers are masking. We have been told he has weeks left . Took dad to Oxford yesterday for his last appointment and he looked so frail. Lucky we got him a wheel chair.The sparkle that was in his eyes is no longer. We are all in such pain. I worry so much for mum when dad leaves us. He wants me to plan the funeral so there is not alot to do when it happens. I spoke to the undertaker and the crematorium to sort things out. This has been so hard to do.

Dad doesnt want us to forget him and be close to us when he dies. so we are going to put his ashes in a pendant for mum and myself to treasure for the rest of our lives. x

Anonymous
  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    Hey huni, I am so sorry you are having to go through this right now. As you may remember i was where you are now a couple of months ago. My dad stayed at home throughout but other than that i could have written your blog myself 3 months ago.

    Planning the funeral is so hard but for me i could see the anguish in my dads face disappear when i told him what i had decided. He was happy with everyone of my choices as i knew what he wanted. He needed to know that when his time came we wouldn't have to worry about making these decisions. It is so hard and when i think back now i have no idea how i did it but i did if for him as you have done and later this will bring you some comfort.

    The pendant idea is a lovely idea, Dad told us what he wanted to happen to his ashes but we haven't done it yet. It just seems so very final to let go of those so we are taking our time. Dad hated our hoarding and putting things of qualities but i hope he would understand our reasons and is proud of all we have done since he left us.

    You are being an amazing daughter and you dad must be so proud of what you are doing now. All i can say now hun is spend as much time with him as you can because i would give anything for just 5 minutes with my dad!!!

    Treasure every moment and look after you and your mum too.

    We will all be here for you and if ever you want to pm me please feel free.

    Wishing your dad lots of love. xxxxxxxxxxxx

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    So sorry to hear that you are hurting so badly. I always try and be positive about things no matter how bad they appear and when I was going for my operation that I only had a fifteen percent survival rate I planned my own funeral and actually quite enjoyed it! Instead of just being there in spirit I would have liked to have seen if it worked. I have been there with the pain with my mother and know some of what you are going through but maybe, just maybe, you could talk a bit more about his send off. What hymns would he like, songs to be played, anything in his life he is particularly proud of , or anything he achieved which made him even more unique than he already is. Any stories, funny or otherwise. Is there anything you or your family want to say? It seems that if he has already spoken about undertakers etc. then why not try and talk about the rest of it - when it happens it will be a day that you all will never forget but hopefully you can make it a day that is tempered with a little happiness, not from the event, but remembering your father for the great things in life that he achieved - even the simple ones.

    Good luck

    keep smiling

    love

    Drew

    X

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    sending you big hugs hunni, always thinking of you, and always here for you if u ever want to talk, and you did just that, you wrote from the heart hun.. it gets easier to write believe me

    lotsa hugs

    xxxxxxx

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    What a lovely idea, putting your dad's ashes in a pendant. I wanted to do something like that with my dad's ashes, but, unfortunately, my brother thought it wasn't a good idea. I wish I had just ignored him.

    I wish you and your family all the very best.

    Love, Christine xx

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    Hi Teresa,i'm in the same position as you and know exactly what your going through hun, if you need anything just ask me, and the locket idea is wonderful, huge hugs to you and your family.

    love suzie xxxx