Hi guys
First off, I would just like to thank everyone who responded either direct to me, by email or added their comments on this site. When I feel a bit braver I promise to talk to you all individually but it really humbled me that you sent me such good wishes and gave up your precious time to read my stuff and nonsense.
Now one of the reasons, I am writing this is because, nowhere could I find out about real people first getting the symptoms, how they felt about going to the doctors, the processes to go through, the fears of waiting for results, how the various tests worked in real life and the connections between the nurses, hospital and me. And I hope by reading this that it may help someone.
Anyhow, back to where I came in. Again a decision. What do I call this post. Do I go for something pacy like " My knickers looked on in horror" (you'll get the connection later on) or and here I'll digress. Bearing in mind Drew's comments on narrow-minded people I thought I would whisper words here. Trouble is I don't know how to whisper only shout with capitals. I even googled it and zilch. So what I shall do is type my whispers in italics then anyone precious or faint-hearted who knows they will be offended by toilet humor, earthy or swear words can look away. Yes, I even thought about calling this "Poo Watch".
Picture the scene, Kate Humble and Bill Oddie look-alikes, standing outside my loo door, video cameras in every corner along with a mini-cam attached to the toilet rim. Finally I could be a star on u-tube. People would be queuing up to run the video. NO, NO, NO, too much information, I'll just stick to my title above, tame though it is.
So what happened first. I guess not being someone to spend a lot of time on anything toilet (unless its what colour loo roll to buy) its hard to pinpoint anything other than a bit of bloody mucuos. Of course like most people, I left it a couple of days to see if it went away. It was only when I remarked about it to my daughter who told me straight off to "make an appointment with the Doctor as its not normal" that I did anything about it and managed to get to see her within a couple of days.
Now, I don't know if this is a girlie thing or not but when I go to the doctors, regardless of whether it's for a sore throat or an ingrowing toe nail, I always put on my very newest and most gorgeous pair of knickers. These gems only come out on those rare trips to the surgery and live right at the bottom of my knicker drawer. On this occasion, I knew that possibly they may be going to see more of the surgery than normal for the very first time. I went in and told the doctor about my symptom and then those words I had been dreading. "Well Mrs Taylor, if you would just like to slip off your pants and get onto the couch, I'll exam you" cut into my conciousness
OMG, the one thing I hadn't wanted her to say. I slipped off my knickers (and here I would like to say they were La Senza at the very least, but actually I'll have to hold my hands up to Florence and Fred) and left them perched tidily on the chair beside the couch. At first my stomach was gently pushed about but at last the doctor said those words I'd been waiting for. "So if you'd just like to roll over onto your left side and raise your knees then I'll just give you an internal examination (snap of plasic gloves going on here). I'll just pop some gel on my fingers so it'll be a bit cold". Like I cared how cold it was. My face felt like it was on fire and I could feel my lovely, caring knickers looking on in horror. These protectors of my buttocks, were helpless in the face of this invader.
The doctor explained that there would be slight discomfort but that the rectum does not have nerve endings so that there is little or no pain. I have to admit this is true. As she continued her examination, she told me that she'd felt a small polyp inside and that she'd just take a peep with some sort of instrument - by now I was past caring. What I did feel suddenly was not embarrassment that my backside was there for all to see, but that there may be a problem. That concentrates the mind on the really important things. Shortly after I got dressed and the Doctor then told me that she was doing an urgent referral to the hospital, passed me a leaftlet, told me that it was a small polyp and that if it was something bad then at least it had been caught early. I fled the surgery, just glancing at the leaflets last line telling me that just because I had been referred didn't mean I had cancer.
When Mark came home, I blurted out my fears and as is his way, he reassured me that we'd have to wait and see. But you know, somehow I already knew. The following day, I trawled through as many websites as I could, soaking up every bit of information I could find. It was like I was out of control and all the time, I was trying to be as normal as possible. Without doubt though what I had was one of the symptoms of bowel/colon/rectal cancer.
So, I have a request to make to every one of you. Read up on the symptoms, and then tell at least 1 person, but preferably more to make sure that if they have any of the things on the list then please go straight to the doctors. Do not pass go or collect £200 just go there NOW. The symptoms normally come when the cancer is advanced so there is no time to lose. End of sermon.
Well, phew, this epic is over for now but I bet you all want to know how my knickers are. Well they're still in shock and have insisted they no longer want to be the "ones", so I guess I'll have to cheer myself up and buy some new ones. Who said there was not something good to come out of this.
Lots of luv to everyone
Sue
