life as a career

Colin, I am so sorry to hear your wife has been diagnosed terminal. This must be a terrible blow for both of you. Life can deal us a cruel hand. My husband, daughter and I were having a happy normal life until I was struck down with this heinous disease. Like your wife I had ill health for some time before I admitted how poorly I felt. It has put a big strain on our relationship. My cancer was in a very personal area and as such this has altered our relationship. Although my husband does not have to look after me as I am in remission now, I know he is resentful, not toward me as such, but toward the cancer, because it has changed us. Maybe your wife thinks she is softening the blow by distancing herself from you. Perhaps you need to speak to her frankly and say how you feel. If she has 3 months or 3 years, it will be so sad for both of you if you miss the love from each other because you don't really know what the other one is thinking. She maybe thinks you are happy with this arrangement. Sometime my hubby and I argue because he thinks it all about me, and no one cares about him. We all care about him a great deal, but unfortunately I did not ask to have cancer, so we just have to deal with it. I try to be open and talk about how I feel, and we also talk about if the worst case scenario happens. He dose'nt want to think about it but we have to cover all possibilities. Life for Carers can be as tough as the sufferer. Often the patient does not realise this. I wonder if you spoke to a hospice they may be able to offer you support and advice. Take care bud, lots love to you xx

@ gingercat, Thankyou so much for your very kind offer to private chat. i,m not 50 till december and my wifes 60th is on thursday.

Pol starts her new treatment tusday and I think the worry and stress just got me down and I just needed to talk to someone.

To be honest after reading your post, I see my issues are quite small compaired to what you and Mimi are going through.

My mum was mary but my dad always called her Mamie, I worked in Dublin in a cancer hospital for 12 years, I resigened to go back home with the girlfriend now wife to care for both of my parents.

Alzimers took my mother and a stroke later took my father, i'm umemployed since then roughly 6 years now.

We now live in a rented home and it takes both of benifts careers and invilidy to pay the rent and live.

I have a passion for 3d games I make them well i am still learning, im quite active just search for me by name colpolstudios try facebook for a good page hint hint!!

I did sell a game once, my claim to fame but its 2d: link: http://nx8.com/play/16728/Prairie_Sheriff/

3d modelling and game design is my hobbie, but I get very little time these days.

I am beginning to manage my time better so i am more productive and try were I can to help and teach others.

Thanks to venting my feelings I got lots of issues working on my current project.

Its been very helpful just writing my feelings down.

Things are not as bad as i think they are must try not to live in the future.

Its very hard to live day to day not being able to make any real plans for the future except the plans we had to make for when Pols time comes hence the sudden marriage.

Dont get me wrong, we turned her getting cancer into a positive for a short while.

When I think of you and your Mimi, I have little worries.

I may not post for a few days, big day tusday and bigger thursday and dont forget the party sat night.

Colin

colpolstudios

News update.

The new treatment is not going well for my wife despite her 60th birthday and all of the friends and family we still found time to fight argue with each other during the night,

Friends and esp family do not see that I need help, Mam looks ok, so theres no need to worry, hey and remember shes your wife so its on YOU! We have are own kids and worries two you know!!

So for me, I get no time off, an hour or two maybe here or there to spend some free time if thats what you would call it.

If I get time, i`m on call, the only FREE time I get, is when the wife has to sleep and i`m so nackered, I need to sleep as well.

I am finding time and just living very hard to cope with.

I am not sure of myself any more i am losing my ability to mantain any sense of what is right and wrong these days.

I spend my time within myself telling the wife to ***off and feel real hate towards her and the cancer.

I might even leave the family home and the wife. I just can not cope at time like this, I spend my time thinking of leaving.

I`ve found a place I can go too, however could I live with myself If I do this?

To be honest I do not think it matters to the KIDS wither I go or not, just if they end up minding MAMMY!

I am going to try to setup consuling here locally for myself with my doctor as for sure I need help!

I will make the call tomorrow hopefully I will recover and be a better person and carrer.

Hi Colin. Sorry not have replied sooner, I returned to work on Sunday so had a bit less time. 

No need to feel sorry for me, I'm lucky , Mimi,  despite everything she has gone through is still a very up person and we have always been able to work around what life has thrown at us given a bit of time.

Despite some of my post, I like to think I'm a glass half full person. When Mimi became disabled, I thought, well its lucky we live in a bungalow and not a house as we would have to buy a stair lift !

Her cancer symptoms. side effects of treatment aside. To be honest any problems I have had have been of my own making, my own  head fu$*s !

Looks to me like you have made far bigger sacrafices than me, giving up your job, moving to care for your parents. to be honest I would not do that. I never got on with my parents that well. My mum had OCD, so growing up we were always in conflict, in my late teens she would wait up till I got home, not to see if I was OK, but make sure the house was locked up, there would always be an argument which I would defuse by asking "hey mum have you left the gas on?" sorry OCD related joke!

Your thoughts of escape remind me of the last few years with my x wife. We were together for 21 years. She always held a candle for her X who got her pregnant at 16, she gave up the child for adoption, but spent the last few years we were together searching for him, this lead her to contact her X. By that time we had seperate bedrooms on the pretext that this would be better for us as some of my shifts involved me getting up at 3 am. Pretty lame huh ? Her mum always ran her dad down, don't know why, his only vice was a curry ! Anyway after around 10yrs she started to follow in her mums footsteps, just small things at first, we were both working mad hours, building up her interior design co, renovating houses and moving upward every few years. She now runs a B&B and tea rooms from our last house ( google Cabbages and Kings, Halstead ). 

Once again I count myself as lucky, not many men walk away from a divorce with £160K in their pocket. 

I'm sad to hear your wife's treatment did not go well and you are still so unhappy and the party didn't go well, can't offer any pearls of wisdom, surfice to say I hope you can work things out.

Take care mate.

simon. 

Hi, only me back again.

We got the dreaded news No more we can do for you in regard to treatment.

The tumour makers were continuing to rise, The Doctor said we have thrown everything we have at the cancer to no avail.

Out of 100 patients only 10% actually respond to the advastan treatment and that was your last hope.

There was an offer of another treatment but that would have only possibly given you another MONTH!

The wife said no way. We meet the care team and arranged for pain relef and came home.

So what way does the system work, do we go to the funeral home and make the arrangements and take the bill into the social welfare?

We dont have insurance we are both on social welfare, dont own any property.

My wife wants to settle her own funeral arrangments, you know pick the coffin, and tell the funeral home of her wishes.

What help is there towards making these plans is there help, money wise from macmillan?

My local SVP is still currently helping us towards gas for cooking and heating.

I appricate your help and reply

colin