I am sitting up late at night unable to let my mind rest because again we have to go to the cancer hospital, again to find out if its back in remission, so I am terrified again. It does not get any easier with time or occurences, I know what will be discussed, I know that we will come away still filled with fear one way or the other. I have to stay strong for hubby, I have to make him believe that what he has been through again will have been worth it and I have to make him agree to a further year of chemo. If he doesn't have it and the disease returns then we will question the decision, if he does have it and it still comes back we will question the decision, and if he has the further year and the disease never again rears its ugly head we will still wonder whether the further year was what got it!!
The only thing on my mind at this moment is hoping that tomorrow the doc says hubbys bloods are back to normal again. That is the hurdle we have to overcome tomorrow.
His sister is now also ill with Non Hodgkins, she is waiting on her results, and we are not in a position to reassure her, because of what has happened to her brother.
Why, is the word that keeps on going through my mind. I know there is no answer to that but it does not stop your brain from asking.
So many friends and family have had this horrible disease, many are still here but quite a few are not. Everywhere I turn cancer is there, like it is haunting us.
Well my thoughts are down on here again, so with a little luck I might be able to close my eyes for a while now. Everythings crossed, again!!!
Ray xx
