I wonder what 2011 will hold for my family. Hubby had his last lot of chemo (again) at the end of November and all was well with AFP - it was still undetectable. Then in December he had scan and more blood test and upto 22nd December all was well - the scan showed no detectable tumour and bloods were still below the norm so for the first time in four years we got a whole six weeks off from going to cancer hospital. That was the best pressie I could of had. This was the first Christmas in years that we could enjoy without having the disease sitting in the background. Oh I know it is still there but when you have been going back and forth every couple of weeks for treatment to get six weeks was a blessing. We actually relaxed over Christmas with the kids and we laughed and I even had a drink! Baileys and Ice, oohhh.......
Hubby still has his line in which is a pain for him but with alot of luck and many prayers it will come out very soon. The doc left it in to be cautious and all I can do is hope that is all it will be.
I have been dreading this year for over a year now. When the chemo stops it becomes a waiting game, full of terror and fears. You see this is the sixth relapse for the teratoma so we have been here before and you become terrified of no chemo because at least when the chemo is happening and seems to be working you can cope but when the chemo stops you become terrified of whether it will rear its ugly head again and when you have had relapses to this extent the you know the options are slowly running out.
A letter came yesterday from the hospital (which has just opened a new wing) saying that hubby was to go to a different unit on his next appointment. When I saw the name of the unit I was so frightened because it is the clinical trials unit - I walked round and round the ground floor trying to think whether I should call the hospital to ask why but then if I was told it was because he need a trial I would fall to pieces as this would be his last hope. In the end I could cope no more and called the doc - turned out it is just because of the new wing being opened and some work being done in the old wing where we normally go. What a relief, but then my feelings turned to feeling silly for even asking.
So for a few more days anyway we will cope, we will try and be normal and we will smile but come 01/02 we will be so scared. Every finger and toe is crossed that all will be well. Maybe 2011 will be the year it leaves him alone, maybe the disease will have had enough and give in, I do hope so.
Ray
