Its all going down hill for my lovely paul. He is in the Hospice for pain controll and the doc has had a very frank talk with him about getting his affairs in order !!! I know he's going to die but it was such a smack in the face to actually hear a doctor say it could be days weeks or possibly months !!! His lung and bone cancer is swamping his body bless him . He has lost the use of his left hand and its creeping up his arm . What can i do to help him ?. I feel so useless and of course its me he is snappy with then is sorry later !!! I can't stand the thought of living without him . I know I've got to but its just like a nightmare .
As I said to another carer on this site, I have not walked in your shoes, but I have walked beside those who have. I have lost three relatives to cancer and each had their own individual death. I am glad you are having help from a hospice - so much better than hospitals who often 'strive officiously' to keep patients alive when they should be caring and nursing. The best advice I had was from a nurse who explained my sister's body was gradually closing down: loss of independent movement, sight and so on but that the most important thing to remember is that last sense to go was that of hearing. So if you can, spend time holding his hand and talking to him. You can remind him of good times you spent together, talk about relations, trips you took together - anything and everything. You could also read aloud to him or play some favourite music. You know him best of all and I'm sure you'll know instinctively what to do.
I am so sorry to hear that Paul is poorly now and needs to be in the hospice. I was sad to read you words and realy felt for you when you said even though you knew he was going to die it was like a slap in the face to hear the words out loud. I wish I could give you a big hug. I know about being snappy - I am finding being on steroids makes me very snappy with my kids - I really don't seem to be able to help it - so I wanted to say Paul probably can't either - not easy to live with though if you are on the recieving end I am sure. This is a most horrible time for you - both he and you are having to face what you dread the most - it can't be easy for either of you. I think as well (speaking as someone who is terminal also) part of the worry is the uncertanty of when things are going to happen - you don't know how long you have left together - and this can be very stressful in itself - you begin living one day at a time and daren't make any plans - but I hope in the midst of all this that you are able to take some time for yourself - while Paul is being cared for in the hospice you must look after yourself - can you think of any treats you can have ? Maybe consider having a back massage - this may help you relax and get a good nights sleep? Take the time to eat properly - you need nourishment to cope with the stress you are living under - it does no one any good if you don't eat properly. You could make a nice dinener for two eat yours and bring the other half into the hospice for Paul maybe? Anyway I am just thinking out loud realy. I hope to hear from you soon so we can find out how you are doing and how Paul is doing too. Take care, sending a huge hug, Love Jools xxxxxxxx
Hi Poppyann - Reading your blog made my stomach lurch. Though I don't know the words to comfort you at this time, just wanted to send you some love. My husband of 22 years has just been diagnosed terminal (he is 50, I am 42) and I know that one day (probably this year) our children, 18 and 19, and I will be walking in your shoes. I hope and trust that Paul is now comfortable and pain free at the hospice and that you have lots of wonderful people around you to support you and your family at this time. I'm so sorry I can't offer you any words of comfort, but I can and am sending you warm e-hugs. Julie xx
Thankyou so much for all your kind words and encouragements . It was lovely of you 3 to take the time to write to me . I will keep you updated on paul's progress
I hope Paul is feeling better and they have his pain under control now. When is he coming home again?
Doctors don't necessarily have the ability to say how long anyone has - and worrying about the future takes away the pleasure of NOW. My husband wasn't expected to survive the previous week - and now he may be coming home this week. In spite of everything, we've had some pleasant times in hospital this week. Some fun, even, playing with his bed, sending it practically up to the ceiling and back.
Interesting - your husband has lung cancer, and has lost the use of his left hand. My husband has metastases in the lungs, and is losing the use of his right hand. He also has one drooping eyelid, not much voice and a lot of pain (now under control with a morphine pump). This is apparently all caused by a tumour at the top of the lung.
Markus just wants to be treated normally and not talk about his illness all the time. He wants to make holiday plans, he doesn't want to be reminded to eat or do anything difficult. He wants to ignore the situation as far as possible. So do I, though it's difficult. We're going to try and have 'busines as usual'.
And enjoy life. I hope you and Paul can do this too.
