Trying to take a positive path. Joined this community to find like minded poeple who will understand me & help me gain more knowledge about the choices still to make. Looking for a safe place to try this out, rather than random web searches. Also i dont feel like i am "bothering" people here. Family & friends have been there for me but i dont want to overburden them. Usually very independent, infact i am usually, "the helper". So a change in role for me, still feels strange & at times i get irritated by my neediness. So many new feelings, feel like still got a long vway to go emotionally. But hay! ! am here & i have started on my path. That feels good.
FormerMember
Think I surprised my family over Christmas with my new way of dealing with things. All of us the better for it too.
Firstly I was far less controlling about the Christmas cooking. In fact left them too it in the main. Only intervening when we had our usual electrical shortcircuit. Yes this has become a tradition over several homes. My daughter & I tend to run lots of electrical equipment at same time, of course this reaches its height at this time of year with lights etc.
Sure enough as she turns on all hob & oven - immediately to highest temperature, it blows the electrics & no lights until ffuse reset. The resetting left to her fiance, bless him. We must get more eco/green to escape this repeat next Christmas.
Secondly, I decided to light the centrepiece candles, finally worked out I no idea why I saving them, or who for each Christmas.
My family astonished, felt very liberating to live in the moment. Infact lit the candles at each dinner over the holidays. Think I may also keep out the best pots & crystal glassware for everday use. Again what am I saving them for or whom???
Thirdly, I actually rested as physiotherapist suggested. Feel better for that too, pain less & some improvement in mobility.
Wow, so much feels achieved this holidays, think I always do best when have others around me to share my new strategies.
Happy New Year everyone wish us all the best for 2009.
Sorry only just found your blogs. Glad you had a good Christmas and that you are going to use all your good stuff, I must admit I love using all my things and like you don't see the point of saving everything for best - it never gets used then. Whats the point of only bringing stuff out on one day I year, any excuse I say .I'm really pleased you are building a new life and taking control, its liberating isn't it?
Like the others your blog struck a cord, because as the eldest I have always looked after others and when I have needed help it hasn't always been there. I'm of the "ask and offer help school" but my sister, lovely as she is, is of " ask and you'll receive school" and I find asking so hard. I expect everyone tobe like me and offer - but have realised sometimes you have to ask. My lovely breast care nurse summed it up, I want to be in control and always have been ... and now I'm not!!!!
Over Christmas my very docile Irish brother in law shouted at me and nearly manhandled me out of the kitchen - just cos \i was going to wash a few plates - I mean. I did listen though ans sat down... very hard though especially when he was washing up my sisters new plates . he's lovely but a bit clumsy!!
I have continued working but this week came to the conclusion that despite how well I feel some days and that I am capable of working, I am expending too much energy at work that I shouldn't be. So I am just about to make one of the hardest decision for me and one I hoped I wouldn't have to.. to go on sick leave. Gonna be a lady who lunches!
Thank you for your words of support, though this is still new path for me & sometimes I dont manage to handle things by my intended new ways.
So see me in your resistance to accept help.LOL. Shall we just say we are slow learners?LOL But we do eventually relinquish stuff don't we.
My physio been trying to convince me that rest make a difference & improve pain levels & mobility, (along with doing exercises). I no problem with the exercises but not take rest thing seriously for few weeks. Then when did, noticable improvement. Was pleased to tell her this week even though did have house problems which meant plumber making mess in bathroom & kitchen, admit I did do more than should, but also did accept lot of help & delay doing some things for when fitter.
What a wise nurse you have,
I think it comes from running a household our own & needing to be self reliant to survive. Over the years this turns into something else where we do everything ourself while meeting the demands of others who see our success of coping with everyday stuff as something they can take a bit of aswell.
What I haave come to understand is that while I have been busy being the doer, I have prevented others from that opportunity. Something about roles, how we perceive ourselves, & how others perceive us.
I am still trying to understand it all, so hope I explaining it ok.
I have been shown some massage exercises today by nurse at lymphodema clinic. I have a slightly swollen arm, main things I noticing is the heavy feeling & pains. I was referred there by physio, who is helping improve mobility from some old injuries & bc surgery. It is keeping me hopeful that services I need are there at time needed. This bc experience very different to 8 years ago when had complications from Endometris & needed surgical proceedures & then Hysterectomy. Nothing happened for best part of a year, while I suffered. All to do with staff shortages & waiting lists was the response to my complaint letter & local M.P. intervention. I think my current care must be what it's like to be rich enough to afford immediate health care when needed.
Additionally, to my year of suffering then recovery after surgery meant I nearly lost my house due to loss of earnings from extended sick leave. I think we are more vulnerable to financial problems when live alone or only one wage earner.
Took me years to get finances sorted.
Now off sick again, need to get back to work.
So pleased that some improvement in mobility & pain levels. Though still working on improvement in strength & power.
Physio appointment tomorrow.
Not sure I can be all enthusiastic, tomorrow anniversary of fathers death & I feel bit low, which I know is to be expected.
Been tough week emotionally. Then I decided got to move freezer in prep for plumber working in kitchen. Needed to get to plug behind it, who designs kitchens like that? Anyway, it was only a bit of a nudge round. But enough to make pains things worse. Physio had all her good work undone, Though the plumber is a funny guy & we had few laughs & of course I should have asked him to move the thing. So physio helped me realise I taking backward steps on my path by not looking after myself.
So as back on the path, when went grocery shopping today put me diamond earrings in. Before bc always saving things for best. Now I dont, sparkle in the aisles I say!
