Hiya all, hope everyone who may read this, is well as they can be...
Yesterday my son had scan-to see how effective Mini Beam has been on 'new' sternum growth. He acted as he always does before appointments-stroppy/angry-etc: I am used to it, infact dread the dates of any appointment he has, cos i get all the aggression he has been holding in....
Today, a woman, cousillor-she was a doctot of the mind-psychotherapist?, anyway, she came to see me this morning. I think it's all somethg to do with 'transplant', & preparing son for it-inc- whether son is mentally strong enough for it all (?)....I don't really know! I was asked if i would be willing to be seen together,(couselling with son), last time son was in hosp by a 'Cathy' who has 'been 'with us' since chemo started-unsure what her 'hats' technial name is.
As said, she saw me alone today-i wasnt expecting her-but didnt mind. Son, however did!! (Although he was willing for us both being counselled, together,when he was in hospital)!
What I can gather from his 'screaming' at me that greeted me, on coming home fron my 2hr 'me time'-acupncture & counselling, was that she'd rung son, told him she'd seen me.
For some reason son was extremely angry about this. He was yelling that, "he was going to die", and "he'd rung this woman & told her he doesnt want to see her anymore"!....
After the 10mins [or so], it took for him to scream at me, all his anger, which, as said was mainly about dying!, & screaming at the transplant facillitator (?) 'psycotherapist' for assessment before treatment, i dont know?-to get out of his life...
He went stropping off, and is still out. I dont know where! I am sitting here, head frazzzled, wondering wtf!! I havn't got a clue what that was about-but he usually goes off doing 'silly' things,that arnt good for himm when he is angry....
So here i sit and worry!! Can anyone shed light on the matter? Any ideas anyone?
Thankyou......
11pm-ish....
UPDATE: son bought home by 'FRIENDS'. HE was out of it (on brandy by smell of his sick)-. He was hallucinating!!....was so strong- he couldnt stand-was wanting to go out of house & kept saying a name, & numbers? He was sweating, i think neutropenic? i dont know!!!! I had to keep trying 2 stop him going out. Had to call ambulance-without him knowing, & keep him in!! Managed it somehow. Least he was sick-(phew)!-called ambulance-he's at hosp now-i rang 10mins ago, he'd literally just arrived. Gotta ring back soon. I think i'll be having a midnight drive to Watford General! Im so damn Scared of everything-not just this, everything;....but so is he-that's the crux!!!
About 3mins after all the fiasco with police, & ambulane-(they well overdid the plod; about 3 cars)! a 'friend', who doesnt even live here,-was knocking on my front door, [he'd got a lift from someone i'd never seen b4 in car he'd got a lift down to mine in], & my 'friend' wanted to know what'd happened!!!
I said "NOTHING"....My son isnt gossip! And my face said it alI! He backed off!
I thnk they give him 'stick' over his lack of hair-poor son-(he's bald now)! But 1st & foremost now, i'll be there for son! I'll take him a clean hoodie in! He was sick down his hoodie-hasn't got a hat on his head-he'll be mortified!!! If his so called friends are saying 'comments' & laughing at him, & i find out-(which i can),...I wont be inpressed! Teach them a lesson in humility!
But for now, i'lll ring hosp, be there for my son-take him a hoodie in-my poor poor boy!!!!!
I'M still shaking from trying to hold him up, stop him going out; & yes, im scared!
If you pray-please remember him tonight please-be well appreciated-if you dont pray, just do what you usually do.....
I FEEL SO DAMN HELPLESS- & I HATE IT!!!!!
