My dad is my hero

Hi Pinkvicki,

Concentrate on the fact that your dad is otherwise well, he sounds like a fit bloke, remember that this will give him the strength to face and cope with the treatments that the oncologists will no doubt throw at him. This in itself is a positive honey, try and focus on this when you are feeling down.

It is normal, and perfectly reasonable to be feeling as you do, and don't be so hard on yourself that you are not feeling "positive" - thats just not real life, and no-one is positive 24/7. This is your dad, you are allowed to feel upset.

No-one knows how your dad will get on with the treatments/ how he will respond, but what you must do is try and take one day at a time. Everyone on here can tell you how hard it can be, but we are all still here, supporting each other, so to me that is the proof that we can get through, if you can make sense of my waffle!

You take care, sending you a hug,

Lou x

hi lou thank you, waffle all you like- nothing is making sense to me! What i can't understand is a healthy man can be told he is dying when he doesn't feel the slightest bit ill, i don't get it. how can they say nothing can be done. They said they will not operate because he wouldn't survive it. I feel like im about 10 years old i just don't understand.

It is all so weird isn't it? When my mum was ill all I wanted and needed was for someone to keep explaining it all to me over and over! Bizarre thing is, I work as a nurse in oncology and I "knew" each time what they were saying! The truth is that no-one says what we want them to say - that it is all some horrible dream, or that they got it wrong, thats what we want really I guess?

Try and speak to a lung cancer support nurse if you can, your dad should have been introduced to one, but sometimes things go astray over holiday times so he may have missed out. The Roy Castle Lung Cancer Foundation is a great site, they can put you in touch with a local lung specialist nurse x

do the hospitals offer something where you can all sit together and they can explain the situation to us as a family?  i had a brief look at that site before i found this one, i just realise i am going to need help to come to terms with this. originally dad wasn't telling us everything he was trying to protect me and my siblings i guess and we made him promise from then on it was cards on the table time...which he did....it was what we wanted honestly after all we are not babies anymore now i just think i want him to be here to protect me i need him to be. Then i think how selfish its not me that is ill i should be thinking about him not me. sorry now its me rambling! xx

Can only say what i said on your thread pinkvicki....it seems to me that the specialist who told your dad expect 12 months or less should not have been saying that not before your dad has even started his treatment...the specialist is putting your dad into a negative mode from day one before he has even had any treatment....

make the most of everyday....go out with your dad if he can get out and about..take one day or one week at a time....dont think about what may or may not happen in the distant future....

though i dont believe in god...one specialist actually told me he is NOT god so he couldnt guess at how long when i once asked...iv been around patients and chemo nurses and specialists for over 19 months now and i have yet to meet one who would guess at how long....of course my cancer is different but iv met patients who are still here 2 years after they where told they wouldnt be when specialists have guessed...

whose to say how your dad will react to his treatments....of course he could have less time...but dont you be thinking that way...because he also could have a lot more then this specialist has said....and remember as i allways do....anyone on this earth, fit, healthy not ill can die at anytime ! it happens all the time...car crash, accidents at work...all sorts of things...i cope by allways thinking that ....i never knew how long i had before i got ill....and i still dont know so whats the difference ? thats away i think......when i was diagnosed with cancer i had a good female friend called tammy, there was nothing wrong with her, she was only 28...last january her leg swelled up, she ended up with a blood clot that broke away and went to her heart...bang ! she died.....yet i was the one with cancer and she was the one who was 100% fit...

its a crazy world pinkvicki and no one knows what the future might hold.....enjoy your dads company...make he most of everyday...i think that we should ALL do that even if we are 100% fit and well....

think posative...you CAN do it i know you can....

and keep your blog going....

hugs