Hi All, I hope you are all doing well.
I hate to put on a sad blog i have tried my hardest not too lately, but i am really struggling at the moment, i have still hardley cried, i still feel very numb.
Last night a friend came to see me and i haven't spoken to her since dad has gone except via text, i talked her through it all from start to finish, she is a great girl and she just listened to me but afterwards i thought bloody hell why did i just inflict all of that on her? She didn't need to hear it but i have never had to do that yet i'm not sure whether it was that i needed to physically say things out loud for me. How selfish of me to do that?
I think that things are starting to sink in a little now i can not sleep without reliving everything in my dreams, i wake up every night asking for my dad. I really thought i was doing ok but now i think i was kidding myself.
I think that until i come out from under this dark cloud i might come off this site for a little, i try to be positive but not of my experience is positive. So many people come on here just looking for that hope and i think i will upset too many good people. I will be back i just need this cloud that feels more like a thunderstorm brewing to move away.
I'm sorry for a negative start to the day. Stay well all of you. I love you guys, we are as many say like a family on here.
Love to you all
Vicki xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
