Does it get better?

dear vicki

hi hun, nice to see you back (if you know what i mean). you are right - it is unfair, very much so, to have your dad taken away from you at the young age of 49. i'm sure nobody would disagree with that.

we all 'deal with' (for want of a better term) our grief in different ways - doesnt mean anyone hurts and more or less or feels the loss any more or less than the next person - and i think your feelings of unreality are perfectly *normal*. there are many,many miles on this horrible road called grief and we all hit the different steps upon them at different times.x

as you say, being in a loving family is no escape from feeling alone - i know just how you feel on that. x

christmas - well Vicki i just want to say that your beautiful children will save the day, as we have to get up and do it for them whether we really want to or not. i'm sure you will do something fitting as a tribute for your wonderful dad, and i hope you and your family make as best of it as you can manage. those who love and know you will not be expecting you to be full of festive cheer 24/7.x

always here if you want to talk.

love, and hugs, from Claire xx

Vicki, I was on the ambulances many years ago and I saw death and destruction  many times , but I was at work , the same as you and it aint anything like losing someone that you love. All I can say is I hope it gets easier for you and remember , you can come on here anytime or stay away for as long as you like , there will always be someone here when you need them ! I hope you can find some joy in Christmas, if its only remembering the good times!  xxxx

Hi Vicki xx

(((BIG HUG))), really glad to hear from you as I have been wondering how you are doing, Think that how you are feeling is totally normal, after all, what is normal?? Everyone deals with grief differently and you are doing the best you can which is all any of us can do.

Christmas will be really hard, all the family times are but you are brave too and you will get through it one way or anotherxx Never feel you have to saty away, even if you need to put down neagtive thoughts. Thats what we are all here forxx

Thinking of you, love and hugs Sharonxx

Hi Vicki, i am just beginning my dads journey with terminal cancer and I am also a sister on an ITU... we have coping mechanisms which help us deal with death and grief with patients and families at work... a distance which protects us to a degree. When it is one of our own the feelings are so extreme we can't possibly deal with things the same way. I have been a mess ever since my dad was diagnosed two weeks ago and I am only just holding it together at work because all i can see is a future i am not ready to deal with...

When my mum passed away it took me a huge amount of time to cope and get through each day, you can never come to terms with the fact that someone you loved so much isn't here any more and so many years later i still have days when it gets on top of me and i have a good cry. Those days became less frequent and i began to cope a little better... i thought less about the bad times and happy memories became what i thought about the most... one day it will be like that for you too.

I cant bear the thought of losing my dad and i am sure that your reaction to the situation is normal and perfectly

understandable. It hurts so much, and no its not fair..

Im thinking of you and i hope that your Christmas can be filled with happy memories and laughter..

Much love Gail xx

Hi Vicki, glad to hear from you again. I lost my dad when he was 52 and I had a young baby - so I can honestly say it does get better. However, there's no right or wrong way to cope, so take as much time as you need. And don't be too hard on yourself - life can be tough but it can also bring huge rewards. Hang on in there, you're doing well - and I hope you can enjoy the festive season. Love Val X