Well actually i think i am in a good place right now. New years eve i had my mini melt down, stupidly i felt like i would be leaving dad behind in 2010. This time last year although devastated by his diagnosis we were taking the kids to the zoo, going shopping, choosing fish together for my aquarium. Gosh talking of that when we went to get fish, i remember telling him i want a baby as he grabbed my hand as we crossed the road....he always always did that. Sorry anyway we were making memories and enjoying the time we had left together and now i know why and can now see the good memories....they were kind of blacked out for the last 6 months but gradually now the mist is clearing a little and i can remember some very good times too. The bad memories will always be there i know that but now i realise that the only way i can get through my life without him is by remembering how fantastically brilliant he was as a father, husband, grandfather, son and a man.
I wanted to post this to show my friends that have recently lost their loved one that the tunnel is always there but there is a dim light beginning to glow.
A poem for my Dad.
Six months have passed
I’ll never forget the day
That i sat there holding your hand
as you went away
I was your first born
Daddy’s little girl
I took my own path
But was still part of your world
I always loved you
My dad, my star
Now my pain is
To worship you from afar
I love you now
As I did back then
I just hope... one day
I will see you again
I am so proud of you
Brave and strong to the end
Now when asked “how are you?”
There is no need to pretend
We all love and miss you so much, sleep well
and take care of all who went before and after you.
Forever in my heart x
