Hello guys.... Have decided to do my own blog so that I can have a good old rant. So here goes!
I have had 4 episodes of pain in my right side since April, and another back on New Years Eve 2007. Each time the docs in A & E thought appendicits, urinary infection, kidney stones, ovarian cysts etc. Each time I've had strong painkillers (usually morphine) but then just discharged when the pain has gone. After the 3rd time I'd actually got a hospital bag packed just in case, and I told the doctors I was going to do this but they thought I was being a bit OTT. Well thank goodness I did, and the last time I was in was last week. I was put on the accute surgery assessment ward and when the consultant heard it was my 4th visit he ordered a CT scan. Well thank goodness for him, as the CT scan showed a mass on my right ovary. Not the best news, but at last I had some sort of diagnosis. They also ordered a CA125 test. My husband and I sat in stunned silence for 40 minutes before I started reacting, but rather than being upset to start with I was angry. So unbelievably angry that this hadn't been found before and wondering how long this had been growing inside me. Common sense tells me that being angry won't exactly help and it won't change anything but I can't help it.
Anyway, after the pain went I got discharged and was told an appointment would be through in the next 2-3 weeks. My appointment came through that weekend but it was for nearly 4 and a half weeks time! I couldn't believe it. Now I know what everyone means when they talk about this waiting - it's torture. I decided to go to my GP with my husband - needed him there as sure enough I blubbed again. The doc was amazing though and called the consultant immediately, faxed off some more information and I got a call this morning to say they'll see me Monday. Now I feel sick at the thought of it. Stupid eh? I need to know what's going on, but on the other hand ignorance has been bliss. I've felt not quite right today, just a bit of a dodgy stomach and don't really want to eat, but I'm fairly certain it's my nerves playing tricks on me. Oh, and I did get some good news from the doc that my CA125 was negative! Stupid thing is I cried when he said that too! Now I've done my reading and I know that a negative test is not totally accurate especially in pre-menopausal women, but I'm holding onto the good news at least for the time being.
I feel so depressed at the moment, even with my little bit of good news on the CA125. I just can't think of anything to do, don't want to eat and don't want to go shopping - I must be really ill, ha ha. Believe me when I say eating has never been a problem in my life before! I was pushing 23 stone a year ago, but have just gone under 19 now. This hasn't been due to my illness though, as my appetite has been fine, it's just that as a family we've been trying to get healthy. As I say today my appetite is up the creek, but only because my mind is playing tricks on me and I can't stop worrying.
Crikey, I've been moaning for ages! I'd better stop for now and do some more tomorrow.
Angie
x
FormerMember
I found the following really helpful when I was first diagnosed, and a year down the line I still think they apply. Hope they help you and feel free to come here and moan and rant any time
love and gentle hugs
Sharry xxx
MATTS TEN TIPS
1. Do not get angry or start looking to blame others or wonder why your GP didn’t refer you earlier. Who are you going to get angry with your anger and similarly the anger of your loved ones can only affect you and your family. Anything that detracts from your ability to come to terms with the cards you have now been dealt can only have an adverse effect on you and your treatment.
2. Despite the temptation, which often seems quite overwhelming, to keep things to yourself – DON’T. The dreaded word Cancer should not be something whispered in quiet corners and talked about behind close doors. To be able to become focussed for your battle you, your family and friends need to be able to openly discuss your Illness – Remember that although all cancers can’t be cured ALL CANCERS CAN BE TREATED.
3. Talking about your cancer will initially be very difficult, especially when old friends (who don’t know) phone up telling you about their great holiday and how well you were looking last time they saw you. If you have access to E Mails take yourself to your computer write a “round robin” letter to your friends about the discovery of the cancer, what the specialists have said, any treatment they are proposing or tests you still have to have….write this at the computer by yourself - have a jolly good cry whilst you are writing it….but remember point 1) don’t allow yourself to feel angry. Send this letter to everyone starting it off Dear Friends, I am sorry to toss this bombshell to you but thought you should be aware of my recent unexpected news. For the last twelve months I have been complaining of ….etc
4. Use the same letter but personalised to other “Family Members” – the news is the same so don’t spend every second in front of computer
5. If you don’t have a computer write one letter and get copies!
6. Regularly update your “Round Robins” – You will be surprised how it allows you to focus on fighting and more to the point how grateful friends and family will be.
7. Listen to your body but remember chances are that half the pain you are now aware of “because you have cancer” would more than likely be there anyway after all you are older than you were, it is winter cold and damp and remember that accident x years ago etc – Yes listen to your body and if necessary ease up slightly but if you were doing things the week before you were told you had cancer why can’t you still do them today!
8. Be aware that you are a lot stronger both mentally and physically that you possibly think – get your act together discuss things openly, allow people to help you do the things you want to but don’t get them to unnecessarily do them for you.
9. Realise that despite the many hiccups you may well encounter on the way you can develop a positive attitude. Cancer is just like a long and winding country road enjoy the good scenery and get past the rough areas as quickly and as safely as you can.
10. Failure only begins when you stop trying to succeed – don’t give up and the very best throughout your treatment utilise the discussion groups!
sorry to hear about your ill heath, the GP will have used the 2 week ruling to get you in to see the consultant. As you come to terms with the initial diagnosis when you meet the consultant there will be lots to discuss. Start to write your questions down now and take them with you so that you cover everything you want to.
In the guides on this site there is a list of starter questions you may want to use.
Stay positive and stay in control (so that you are in charge when you meet the consultant) and you will get through what ever will be.
