.The day before treatment I felt extremely anxious. I was due for MRI at 9.30 and then had to wait until 1 pm for chemo and 4pm for radiotherapy. I was hoping to pop into Maggie's in between but night before found out they were still closed. That sent me into a bit of a spin. I knew I was being oversensitive because normal well wishes were making me upset. Just the word Good Luck - don't know why but luck seemed out of context, like it was down to chance.
So I went in alone for my MRI as John was busy at site and I agreed to meet him midday. At 11 am I was sitting in the oncology waiting room and lovely receptionist managed to swing for me to go in early. I hadn't had a blood test which I read was critical so there was then a bit of a hoo-ha about getting that sorted.
John got dropped off by our lovely neighbours and the Mytomycin infusion was given into my arm. Then round to radiotherapy for quick 15 minute treatment. I was given loads of drugs including 3 types of sickness pills and we went home.
To be honest, first day I didn't feel too bad.
So now it's Saturday, after week of radiotherapy and capebiticine chemo tablets. I really don't feel great. I have stomach ache, headache and feel quite sick. I don't want to eat but a bit like morning sickness you feel you should eat to take sickness feeling away. I woke up at 5 and eventually went back to sleep until 10. Horrible wet winter day so I haven't been out, just watching crappy movies. The dogs wanted cuddles but you know when you don't want to be touched because you feel ill, so I retreated to bed.
Yesterday I had my review at hospital and they tell you it's going to get worse. I suppose it's for a finite time period so just have to get on with it. MRI came back with no spread so that's good news.
Good news nowadays is that they cure more people with cancer. The bad news is that worry that it might come back never goes away. My previous MRI was clear when the second tumour was there so tests are not infallible which makes the worries infinite.
Life seems to stand still, although so much is going on around me. God help me get through this.
