Thank you everyone who commented on my first two bloggs.
My life has just become a nightmare as I lost my dear wife Liz on Monday afternoon19th October.
I lay in bed with her for 48 hours, only moving to allow nurses to do their marvelous work and change her driver,
She seemed to deteriorate rapidly over the previous weekend as the reallity started to hit home I became so selfishly upset.....
I held her head on my arm and held each hand as I constantly chatted to her every second of those final 2 days, occasional responses to memories gave me comfort as the coincidental timing was perfect.
my 2 sons of 25 and 29 were so strong and helpful as we ensured Liz remained at home in the very best of comfort and care .
My 34 years marriage to her has not affected my intense Love for her, I litterally worship the ground she walked, the air she would breath, her every word, her wonderful smile, her menacing frown.....
Her pain has gone leaving mine to begin again....my life has a missing link, my sadnes is unexplainable, My huge support by friends and family still doesn't satisfy this incredible lonliness.
I look at her bag of drugs we attacked 4 times a day, now standing untouched for over 2 weeks, her clothes hange motionless in her neatly organised wardrobes, I see the sadness as new reduced size clothes recently purchased spark the memories of a struggle round Marks and Spencers.
Her beautifull smell wafts arround the whole house triggering constant tears to redden my cheeks with a tenderness of heartache attatched.
My support is strong, my family is doing anything to keep me occupied with insignificant discussion that seems to muffle in the background....my sons are hurting too, but they never take their eyes off me, passing me a never ending supply of tissues.
The speed of the end is too fast, Registration, Funeral arrangements, Insurance,..It all seems so obscene.
My fight to earn is over, I question my love of gardening, did I like gardening, YES....... I did it for Liz....... I enjoyed making her happy, but now.......whats the point ? maybe things will change,,,,, so I am constantly informed....but it doesn't change how I feel right now.......
Thank you all for support and even laughter on these sites, its been a massive comfort as it actually helps not to be the only one.
God Bless you all
GOD BLESS LIZ
