So, I've survived six months longer than the longest estimate, and today I rang the Hospice and found I am entitled to another session of aromatherapy. The reason they'd not rung back before is that the lady who did me last time has been away (I'd suspected it had been because they'd not expected me to survive). Yesterday I went to a party with a lot of the peole I used to work with. Everyone says how well I'm looking (don't FEEL too bad physically either, only taking two Tramadol a day), and I enjoyed seeing them, but had that horrible feeling that for me the Greyhound bus had stopped suddenly in the middle of the desert and thrown me off. Everyone else has driven on, moved on. We don't have a car, and the ordeal of interminable(and unreliable) public transport for trips out is an ordeal. I have reinvented myself as artist (my degree subject but couldn't afford not to do a 'proper job' afterwards), and have done some impressive work - but it's about having cancer/what it feels like to have the sword of Damocles over one's head - so it's not stuff to post on my profile for the cheering up of others! I'm really looking forward to going back to the Hospice, and having the aromatherapy. My use of anti-anxiety tablets has been creeping back up (all the ordinary stresses don't go away just because you have the stress of cancer, do they?), and last tme, I found the massage, and the kindness of the therapists really helpful. A thankyou to whichever anonymous donor has paid for this facility. I know lots of people decry compl therapies, but they do help. Even if they're not curing you, they help enormously with one's state of mind, and that's equally important. xxxx to you all.
