I've been struggling since the sudden death of a friend in November. Emotional disturbances have always impacted on my apetite, and I let slip the careful nutritional plan I have been following for most of the previous twelve months. We had a horrible time dashing about overdoing things trying to cram a holiday (which was supposed to be a treat) into just a few days to race home for the funeral, which was itself very difficult. I have been drinking green tea for well over a year, but having a cup at a cafe on holiday, it tasted horrible and put me off. Somehow everytime I thought about green tea after that, I remembered the taste of that cafe one!
A few weeks later and I was getting a lot of pain around the primary site, and this, or something else, started me feeling nauseous, then actually being sick. My own GP was off, and another one prescribed some anti-emetics which didn't work. I gave up with them when I was sick immediately after taking them, bringing up my precious and much-needed painkillers too. My own GP prescribed some stronger anti-emetics which said could cause "drowsiness" (litotes! I feel like the Sleeping Beauty's Ugly Sister) .
Then - whilst being sick, I choked (hope no-one is reading this as prandial entertainment), and since then have choked quite a lot of times - on tablets, drinks of water or food. I ended up hardly being able to talk and sounding as if I have laryngitis. (I looked on the web, and stared at photos of vocal chords damaged by various methods - choking on things being one of them).
I have just been to the GP. For starters, he has laryngitis, so we whispered to each other. He does not think that it is to do with the choking, but to a lump that he has found on my neck - ie a new tumour. Well! Merry Christmas! Fortunately I have a CT and MRI scan booked with the Marsden in the New Year - although it's getting more and more of a struggle to do long distance journeys on public transport/foot. We walked to the surgery (we don't have a car) and I am definitely slowing down on hills, The thought that in all honesty I shall never again go walking in my beloved Derbyshire is a very sad one.
So, in the meantime, the only advice he could give me was to use my voice as little as possible - oh woe! One's voice is something else that you don't really know how many things you need it for until it's taken away from you. The silver lining will be that next month's telephone bill will be much lower.
I am curious to know if anyone else has noticed any correlation between emotional distress and the progress of their cancer. When I first saw the oncology team, I asked about stress as a contributory factor - we had had a lot, from my partner being stabbed by muggers outside our house and lying in a pool of blood for over an hour, the museum I knew I had found my niche in being closed after really underhand and bully-boy tactics, to death threats for me being considered "Neighbourhood Watch Woman" because I had rung the police about a racist incident - ie all the usual sort of 21st century UK chav-city stresses. The oncologist said No, no connection, but I am perplexed as to why stress should be accepted now as a factor in other medical conditions: after all, doesn't stress lower one's immune system, and isn't that what lets the bad cells get the upper hand?
I am also interested in how far my sudden lapse from nutritional grace has precipitated the first possible onset of the cancer - especially as it seems from the Marsden's scans that about 14 months after being given "3-4 months" my scan revealed that the cancer that had infected my mediastinal lymph nodes was no longer present: had my nutritional regime anything to do with that mysterious disappearance (I was not offered r/t for that area)? If not, what had made cancer spontaneously retreat?
Well, despite my own vicissitudes, we have had some marvellous news lately on here - people like Lesley Wiggy, Sammie and Kate getting clearance, and our very own Matt seeming ready to go forever, so I hope that I'm not going to let the side down! I have started a group for those of us who have had our files stamped Terminal. I hope it will be somewhere a bit quieter where we can discuss issues that aren't relevant to the site as a whole.
That just leaves me to whisper "happy christmas and very good luck in 2009"..... Lots of love xxxxx Penny
FormerMember
Bless you. You WILL still be walking in the hills of Derbyshire I am sure of it. Lets see what Prof Gore can offer you in the way of treatment before you assume the worst case. Maybe he can zap it with some RT or something (if it is indeed what the GP thinks) dont forget they dont routinely put our head and necks through the scanners! I am crossing my fingers that something can be done. Try to hang on in there and dont lose hope. You are so special Penny we need you! I cant comment on your diet really but I do know that stress can affect immune systems. Wish I coulld help in some way. Sending Big Hugs as always, Love Jools xxxxxx
You DO help! I have had that beautiful card from you this morning (drawing by Pietro da Cortona and makes me want to get my own pencils out), and the support you have given me this year has been fabulous. Yes, I still believe firmly in the choking theory, because all the problems just started then, but it's flipping frustrating not being able to talk. Please don't say I am special or I shall get a swollen head on top of everything else - and it's right back at you, looking at all the things you have done this year!
It is now season of little oranges and brussell sprouts, both of which I love, and I've just found that I can now get BBC iplayer, so we can get the arty stuff on BBC4. There's always some sort of bright side! xxxx Penny
I am sure you're right about stress. While I take a lot of hypotheses and theories with a VERY large pinch of salt, I remember reading somewhere that prolonged stress can trigger dormant cancer cells - and when I did the calculations, I could trace the start of my own cancer to the year when I lost my husband very suddenly, I was desperately unhappy at work, I was travelling down to Cornwall (from London) nearly every weekend, and then my mother died. That was NOT a good year . . . It may be sheer coincidence that I went on to develop cancer, but I don't think so.
You've had so much to put up with over the past few months, both with your own illness and with other problems, it's hardly surprising that your immune system should be weakened.
As for your 'lapse from nutritional grace' - have you changed your diet recently, other than your sudden aversion to green tea?
This constant sickness and choking must be debilitating, but thank heavens you have your scans at the Marsden before too long - do let me know if I can be of any help when you come down to London - if only to while away some time if you're waiting for a late train back home! Thank heavens - I'm sure the Marsden will be able to give you some answers, as well as the best treatment possible.
Do please look after yourself - you're very precious and all of us need your wise advice and counsel, not to mention the hugs!
I do hope you have the best possible Christmas and New Year.
Hi Penny, Thanks for the update! Loved the part of you and the doc whispering to each other! Sorry you are having such troubles though, but your humor peeks through it all and I love you for it. I know that there are many who don't believe that any of these things have anything to do with illness at all. I'm afraid I'm not one of those. I do believe that stress can predispose you illness, all kinds from colds, to accidents, to more serious illness. So I do think it is important as well in your recovery. Its a very personal journey Penny. I'm not saying its the end all be all in anyway. I believe we have to attack our lives and our illness from every venue with common sense. If you have someone at work for instance, or in your family, who is constantly beating you down, then handle it or get rid of them in your life. If you aren't eating well, by golly, get to it and do what you can to increase the quality of your nutrition. Vitamin supplements within reason and approval of the docs you are working with. They don't like them and you do, find a new doc. And alas, the very personal part, a little soul searching on what is going on with you (spiritual or otherwise) that you can take responsibility for and change or realize. I think that attacking these things from all angles to include traditional and complimentary therapies make it all work better. But that's just my view of things Penny. Hang in, you are very brave and courageous and I admire you a great deal! Here's to a better 2009! Best, Lori
sorry to hear you are going through a rough time at the moment. i don't know if this wil help you but when nats was going through a sicknes period our gp gave her some anti sicknes tablets that you place between the gum & top lip and they disolve into the system, they might be worth a try
