how do we tell mum shes dying?????x

Does she really need to know? Personally, I think this whole 'tell everybody everything' is not necessarily the best thing for everybody. Sometimes people need to hang on to an element of 'hope'. They may know (deep down) that the end is near but do not want it spelled it out to them.

You know her best - think what she would want?

KateG

Tough call - do you really need to tell her - sounds like she knows anyway but perhaps you can tell her the things you want to without making it sound like the end. My father insisted my mother never knew - he even used to phone ahead when she went to the doctor and consultant - it's not easy and I don't envy you.

Love

Drew

X

I agree with Kate and Drew. Does she need to know, yes she probably knows but its her way of coping.

My mum did not want to talk about how much time she had left. It was kind i knew that she knew and she knew that i knew. It was heart breaking, i really do feel  for you and your family.

Yes i think peope do need some kind of hope even if the hope is a false one what harm can it do.

take care over the next part of the journey

Traceyxxx

i AGREE WITH THE ABOVE POSTS. MY HUSBAND DIDN'T WANT TO KNOW - AND WHEN i THINK ABOUT IT NOW, 2 YEARS AFTER HE DIED, I'M SO GLAD THAT HE DIDN'T KNOW, HE WOULD NEVER HAVE COPED WITH IT. LIKE YOUR MUM, HE HAD EXTREMELY HIGH LEVELS OF ANXIETY.

(Sorry about the capitals - caps lock was on!!)

in the long run, ~I can't see what benefit there would have been to him knowing just how bad things were. We all still managed to find the right moment to say what we needed to say.  It's such a hard decision for you, but once it's said, it can't be unsaid.

take care

sue xx

Hi Passionflower.

I'm new to the online community, although cancer has been a large part of my life for one reason or another.  I hope you don't think me presumptuous in commenting on your post.  I felt the need to offer you some comfort and wanted to say I agree with everything said above.  

I watched both parents die of cancer and it was obvious to me that while they were clearly aware what was happening, they needed to operate on a "business as usual" basis in order to get through it.  I wasn't going to push them into facing something they weren't ready for, and neither were their doctors.  Sparing your mother the pain of facing something she isn't ready for shows kindness, love, and understanding.  While the nurses may be caring for your mother, they do not necessarily know what is best for her at an emotional level.  Lastly, I've always believed, all the things we wanted to say to each other, whether we got to say them all or not, were really already understood.  

I really hope that you can help her through this and take comfort in the knowledge, that whatever you decide to do, it's done from love.

Best wishes, I'll be thinking of you

Ann x