I've refused chemo...

2 minute read time.

FormerMember

14 Oct 2009

Hi everyone !, Not used to this site yet and never know where to write to....so here goes it gets to someone who can understand ...hopefully.

Diagnosed ayear ago with tumour in my colon. Had right hemi colectomy almost 12 mths ago, followed by discussions re suggested 6mth chemo course which I felt was not worth all the hassle, especially as 17 of 29 lymph nodes were positive. I still feel the same way 12 mths later and have had an enjoyable summer; which I wouldn't have had if I'd agreed to chemo. My family have not really understood my decision, but seem to have accepted it. I know that its highly likely to spread to my liver/lungs and possibly bones by now, or within the next few months. My 1st annual chest/abdomen/pelvis CT scan is in 2 weeks time, with the a colonoscopy similar time. I'm still very happy that I did not agree to have chemo ,and feel able to live life as I choose, each day and make some plans for a few weeks ahead at a time.

This is the quality of life I've chosen to have NOW, and will hopefully cope well enough with whatever this cursed disease chooses to throw at me in x months time.

I am not afraid of dying...well not yet any way !! Maybe when its staring me in the face I shall feel different; who knows. Meanwhile my granddaughters still have a lively, active and funny [so they keep telling me !] grandma who can still take them to ballet class, read to them, listen to their little secrets etc. What I did not want them to do was remember a very sickly, tired grandma who was always in/out of hospital etc. I'm hoping [ like us all]that my end of life will be fairly quick and least disturbing to my family. NO..... I am not being a martyr, I just feel its my right to choose, yet even various professionals whom I come into contact with keep saying its very unusual for someone to refuse chemo....and look at me as if I'm hiding something.....totally ga ga .... or a fraud !!!!!

Is there anyone out there who CAN understand my decision , or maybe even someone who has also refused chemo. It just might help me feel less isolated from all your unquestionably brave people who have grasped the nettle; called chemo ?

Love and hugs for anyone who needs one right now.

xxxx

FormerMember over 9 years ago

Hi pammy

I came across your blog and had to double check the date of your original one.

It's fantastic that you are still here after 6 years and refused treatment,it just goes to show you that chemo is not for everybody.glad you're doing well.
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FormerMember over 9 years ago

Hi Pammy62

I am new to the site. I am 46 and have had a tumour removed and have an ileostomy, tumour was stage 4 with 1 lymph node affected. I have recovered well from the surgery and manage the ilieostomy ok. I have been offered 6 months chemo, one drug is administered in hospital and then second drug fed via a pump at home over next 46 hours. I have a PICC line fitted for the treatment.

Since being told about the chemo I have cried non stop. I had first treatment last week, one of the side effects is that the whole of my eye hurts to cry, the effects of the first treatment was horrendous, including already feel tender and bruised. I believe effects increase as treatment progresses and this fills me with despair. I don't know how I will manage practically, my Husband is wonderful but he works full time, I have two Grandchildren age 5 and 3 who I have always been very active with i.e. sleepovers, trips to park & library, puck up from school etc etc. My Grand Daughter has her Christmas play in between my next proposed session I cannot imagine being able to attend after the effects of only the first session. I cannot see my Grand Daughter as I know I would break down in tears.

I have 11 sessions left, administered two weekly. I do not think I can or want to continue with the treatment. I have been advised cancer was removed and the treatment is "belts and braces" so preventative. Even so I know there is still a chance of recurrence. My Husband is very disappointed but says he will support my decision. 

I don't know what my Daughter will say, but I can guess and understand what her reaction is likely to be,

I am very scared but I think the prospect of six months chemo scares me more. People say it's only six months you have to just get on with it. I find it hard to explain why I don't think I can just get on with it.

My Husband is arranging to speak to consultant so we can discuss the statistical implications of my decision not to have treatment. 

Like you I do not want my Grand children to have their memory of me to be "chemo" related. I don't know if it is that I am not as brave as others, I know some people work and run marathons during chemo but I can't even cook meals or take my dog for a walk.

Thank-you for posting and how wonderful to be posting 6 years later!
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