Hi everyone !, Not used to this site yet and never know where to write to....so here goes it gets to someone who can understand ...hopefully.
Diagnosed ayear ago with tumour in my colon. Had right hemi colectomy almost 12 mths ago, followed by discussions re suggested 6mth chemo course which I felt was not worth all the hassle, especially as 17 of 29 lymph nodes were positive. I still feel the same way 12 mths later and have had an enjoyable summer; which I wouldn't have had if I'd agreed to chemo. My family have not really understood my decision, but seem to have accepted it. I know that its highly likely to spread to my liver/lungs and possibly bones by now, or within the next few months. My 1st annual chest/abdomen/pelvis CT scan is in 2 weeks time, with the a colonoscopy similar time. I'm still very happy that I did not agree to have chemo ,and feel able to live life as I choose, each day and make some plans for a few weeks ahead at a time.
This is the quality of life I've chosen to have NOW, and will hopefully cope well enough with whatever this cursed disease chooses to throw at me in x months time.
I am not afraid of dying...well not yet any way !! Maybe when its staring me in the face I shall feel different; who knows. Meanwhile my granddaughters still have a lively, active and funny [so they keep telling me !] grandma who can still take them to ballet class, read to them, listen to their little secrets etc. What I did not want them to do was remember a very sickly, tired grandma who was always in/out of hospital etc. I'm hoping [ like us all]that my end of life will be fairly quick and least disturbing to my family. NO..... I am not being a martyr, I just feel its my right to choose, yet even various professionals whom I come into contact with keep saying its very unusual for someone to refuse chemo....and look at me as if I'm hiding something.....totally ga ga .... or a fraud !!!!!
Is there anyone out there who CAN understand my decision , or maybe even someone who has also refused chemo. It just might help me feel less isolated from all your unquestionably brave people who have grasped the nettle; called chemo ?
Love and hugs for anyone who needs one right now.
xxxx
