Wow...i thought i'd be able to spend more time on here, update this a little more often but things have just been so hectic. My fiance and i pulled our wedding forward to the 11th September due to dad's cancer and it's taking up so much of my time, trying to get the bridesmaids sorted and all the little things that i never thought of as being involved in a wedding...silly things such as tablecloths to fit our colour scheme etc. There doesn't seem to be time to stop and breathe which i suppose is good in some ways, no time to really think.............except of course like now, when it's 1:20am and i'm up again! This has been happening a lot lately, i have my own health problems which are responsible for some of the lack of sleep but i also think it's just because i've got a lot on my mind.
Dad has now had his second doses of chemo and only has one to go before the scan to tell him if they will carry on treatment. He seems to be coping ok, or at least that's what he tells me, he makes me laugh sometimes because i'll ring up and he'll tell me he's fine and then i'll talk to him the next day and he'll say he's fine, having a better day than yesterday. He told me the other day that he prefers things the way they are at the moment, he's 'in limbo' and likes not knowing either way, he almost wishes it could stay like this. I understand the reason why, no-one wants to be told they are going to die, but in some respects i wish we knew now, a part of me wonders if it would be easier to cope with. It was his birthday at the beginning of the month and also fathers day on Sunday and i hated it, it felt different knowing it could be his last. I know i'm supposed to be positive and not think like that but i've learnt that you can't always help it, sometimes those thoughts creep up on you.
