GLOOM

1 minute read time.

It was quite a good day, for a Monday. It rained, of course, but I didn't collide with any deer on my way to work, didn't get held up in roadworks or stuck behind a tractor.

When I got home, J was still out at his dad's but was back in time for tea.

Today's alarming news was that my stepdaughter's dog had had a fit this morning, and her partner had been bitten when trying to stop the dog choking on its tongue. The dog, apparently, has recovered and their vet has told them to monitor him... We are meaant to be babysitting said dog at the weekend when they go off to Greece for a last 'couple' holiday before the baby arrives in August. I HOPE the dog is all right. Already I have nightmare scenarios in my head of how to break bad news to them on their return.

J and his siblings are edging closer to the Care Home option for their father as the only realistic course of action. He (dad-in-law) is drifting further and further away from the person he used to be and is physically wasting away.

On Thursday, J has agreed to attend a meeting at our local hospital, organised, I think, by Macmillan, as a sort of support group for people who have had his sort of cancer (tonsil/throat). I wasn't sure if he would feel up to that, as he rarely talks about his experiences from 2009, which sadly coincided with his elderly mum's death from  liver cancer. A hard, hard time for my lovely, uncomplaining J.

To my surprise, we had a long chat about all that this evening: quite a good thing, I think, and I feel more able to talk & to support him since being on this site and meeting such fantastic people.

So that was all good.

Then my  mother rang: J answered and chatted for ages then when I spoke to her, she hung up on me!  I said I had been upstairs doing stuff: oh, you didn't think to phone your poor old mother, says she, and when I wasn't fast enough to make a convincing response, she hung up...

So now I feel crap again, even though I don't THINK I've done anything wrong.

 

 

 

Anonymous
  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    I was so proud of my J for deciding to take part in the support group thing & it was quite a significant converstion we had tonight about his cancer, its diagnosis and his treatment and the horrors that involved. It's not something we tend to discuss: he likes to consign it to the past and not dwell on it. But it was a very intimate sort of talk and therefore a good thing.

    And then my mother rang.

     No one in my 51 years has ever come close to making me feel as much like a worthless, shitty failure and all-round loser and terrible apology for a human being, as she has, does, and presumably always will.Thanks to her, Citalopram has made lots of money!

    The only good thing I can think of to say about her is that she has probably made me a much better mother than I would otherwise have been. I have remembered how she behaved and still behaves towards me and then done the opposite and it seems to have worked.

    I've spent the rest of the evening being miserable and have gone from 'Yes, we have a rotten situation but we can get through it because we are a good team', to 'I can't do this any more'.

    I'll send myself a BIG HUG. That might help!

     

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    I am sending BIG Hugs to you.

    Just read this on facebook:

    Do aliens only abduct crazy people so no one will believe they were abducted? Wishing aliens your mom's way.

    Liz

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    I wish I could say something more but all I can think to say is what a cow... I know how difficult mothers can be (having had a difficult one) and how hard it is to not let them get to you...

    I want to say ignore her. You are not worthless etc etc but I know how hard that is.

    YouCAN get through this and you will get throuhg it and sod your mum.

    I'll send you a big big hug too....

    Little My xxx

    ps sorry I'm a bit knackered so can't really think straight or tpye striaght and too tired to correct typos now but wanted to send you a hug. mihgt be able tos ay more tomorrow in the meantime have another hug! xxxxx

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    Sending BIG hugs your way. She sounds like a friends mom, your non of those things you are feeling your going through a rough patch at mo and its her that should be feeling like that for not understanding.

    Fingers cross about the dog being ok, i`m sure it will, animals can do the strangest of thing, scare you half to death but are totally fine after and stay fine for many years to come.

     

    Lots move hugs and keep your chin up, you can do this and we are all here for you.

     

    Tina. XX

    ps I really do think what my signiture at bottom says it true. X

  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    ok it didnt come up like it does on posts it does say

    Life only throws at you what you can handle, so your stronger than you think. X