Can not forget!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Firstly you are not a bad person!!!! Don't ever think that! You are wonderful and strong and we are proud of you for getting through the cancer. I am not a psychologist or a counsellor but sounds like he is trying to protect you in one way and may his life easier in another. Men do weirrd things sometimes and often won't admit what they are feeling about things. P said he was more worried about moving house than my cancer but he wasn't in the end just couldn't admit it. He might be nervous that he has been the captain for so long and now you might become the captain and men don't like to give up control. I am just blabbing on though and all I really want to say is we think you are fab and lovely and very caring and we love you! Sending you a big big hug and take it easy... 7 years is a long time to shift roles round . He might be feeling unwanted P was worried that when I got better I wouldn't need him anymore and might go off. As I said, odd things blokes . I really am rambling now so will shut up and lord knows if it will make sense to you at all but all you need to know is that we think you are great! Big gigs Little My xxxxxxxxx

Ruby you are nota bad person! You are the opposite of a bad person, you are a lovely lovely person and if your other half's family can't see that then in my opinion they are not very nice people!

Families are such funny things, they sometimes have absolutely no clue that they are upsetting you. Either they don't say anything nice and if you ever bring it up they say that they thought you knew (How would you know you're not a mind reader) or they say things that are so offensive but tell you they didn't mean to! gggrrrr

You definitely don't deserve to be treated this way. Have you spoken to your OH about the way his family are with you?

As Little My said, we all think you are great and I think it is brilliant that you have fought cancer and gottne through all those years of treatment (and I also can't beleive your family never said well sone - again I think maybe its one of those things they think is known - families can be dim sometimes) anyway I'm rambling too now, maybe its catching I'm so glad you did xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Lots and lots of hugs xxxxxx

LM, 

I don't think OH knows how to be the captain of the ship, it makes him feel uncomfortable.

Clairly, OH does know how his father is with me, but he is too scared to say anything.

For example the night I fell ill after attending my fathers funeral and rushed into hospital with a high temperature and my white blood cells had packed their bags and had left the building. I was given the chance to phone a relative I chose to phone OH parents cause they were closest to the hospital, his mum said that it was late and raining outside but would let OH know ( he was up in Scotland and I was down south) could not believe it. I was in a strange hospital that my dad had passed away in only a few weeks earlier and it was touch and go whether I was going to see the sun come up.

Or the time he tore into me telling me that other people just get on with having cancer and why should I be any different, why am I sitting around on my arse doing nothing its been ages since you had your chemo!!!!!! 

Just a cruel man who thinks he rules the roost.

Thanks for your kind words xxx

You can pick your friends but you can't pick your family and for the to desert you at a time when you really needed them.....that is dreadful and just sad that when you are needing support again now....they won't be there for you.....I just wish that I could say something / wave that magic wand to help make it better.  I only "met" you recently but you are lovely, kind, witty, warm, and all the good qualities there are.....I am afraid you got them all leaving none for your in laws!!

And for fighting cancer, brilliant but it doesn't just end when it is no longer active in your body.....it leaves it's scars and marks both physically and emotionally and your battle is still there so keep fighting and just kick anyone in the shins if they get in your way.....and if I am ever anywhere near you then you can drive my car anywhere.....live now, pay later is my moto (however, I am currently going to have to live to be 316 at the last count??!!!).

Some men aren't very good at coping and even worse at admitting they can't cope.....(like some women too) - but your OH does have to understand that the "small things" are very big things to you.

Sending you a big hug and when I am up in Scotland over the next few months I will see if I can tempt you out.....xxxxxxx

Hi Ruby,

Sorry to hear about the family troubles, I've had enough to last a lifetime, thankfully these days for me are better. (My issues were all on my side, my OH parents are fantastic.) I am very disturbed to read those awful experiences you have had, bloody terrible.

First off, you do not deserve to be treated in such a way, and you mustn't think so. I have been very lucky to find you on here and count you as a very good friend, you've been through so much crap and yet still find the time to support many people. You've a good heart and that is why you are feeling the pain, if you were a tough heartless barsteward then you would not give a flying f*ck. Sometimes I would just like to give out a few "Glasgow kisses" but unfortunately that is not in my nature and my concious prevents me, and then I feel stuck in the middle.

My wife bore the brunt of my family issues and things got very difficult and I had to be a man and sort it. I ended up cutting ties and did not see my parents and sister for a long time, just met them at Xmas (on a neutral venue) so they could give presents to my kids. After many years we spoke again with my parents and now we see more of them, and then shortly after this I got cancer and it brought some reality into their minds I think.

Shit me Ruby Booby, I've said more about me than you sorry. Though maybe it can help you a bit, for I do not like to see a friend in such turmoil.

Tight lines

Tim xxx