Today was a really good day. I got to hang out with someone I love to pieces and just sit, laugh and drink copious amounts of tea without the uncomfortable looks I'm starting to see more and more. I hadn't seen him in moons and I feel a little awful that if I hadn't gotten cancer I might not have seen him now either. He's a little love with the best sense of humour going and when I told him, entirely out of the blue one day that I had cancer and I was completely nuts about it I guess he could have questioned why I randomly felt the need to get in touch just to give rubbish news but he didn't and I had a few hours just nattering about nothing much. It's been my trust in his ability not to freak out that has meant he is probably one of maybe 3 people I've been a little more honest with. At one point, before I discovered this place, he became my own personal answer phone sponge of doom. It's those sorts of friends you need to keep tight hold of when it all gets dodgy.
So that cheered me right up and I also got my radiology appointment through for my assessment next Wednesday. I am weirdly looking forward to it because frankly the sooner they fry the f****r the better! It's another step closer to a bit of a rest on the whole cancer subject and getting back to my normal schedule of things which generally involves talking utter nonsense and planning adventures to no where in particular.
The feeling scared witless has subsided again *yay* and if I'm honest it was in part down to me stupidly watching My Last Summer - all 4 episodes back to back and it was sad. I have no idea why I watched it. I think I wanted to know what could be but really that's ridiculous. It's like making a nun watch labour videos. Yeah you might have to go through that being female and all but you've not followed any of the right steps so you're watching a terrifying thing happen to another person's body for no good reason. God already did that, it's unlikely you need to prepare for it yourself. OK maybe that's not an ideal comparison to make. I thought the diagnosis meant I'd be fine but apparently there are far more feelings than I like to admit whirring around that ginger brain of mine. I'm not sure what to make of it either. They say it's because we don't confront death as a society but I'm not convinced that's the best way to go about it.
Anyway, things are pretty shiny and I'm currently enjoying a nice sea view so can't complain really. Once I get both lungs in a functional capacity I might even declare things pretty fab indeed! I am much happier when I'm shiny!
