Charlatans and Saviours

3 minute read time.

I've woken up in a shocking mood which is at least in part down to the fact I have woken up myself (and himself) this morning by rolling over in my sleep and headbutting HP. Just in case you are thinking of giving this a go, I wouldn't recommend it as a romantic way to start the day. Not unless you are a couple of masochists anyway, in which case knock yourself out. Maybe even literally.

I was also annoyed at myself because I made it all the way to work before remembering I had an appointment so had to immediately leave and then I lucked out and got the smelly man sitting next to me on the bus. 

The other reason I am irritated today is that I woke up to another 'miracle cure' message. Apparently getting cancer suddenly gives people the right to invade your space, your email and your head with their thoughts about what caused it and/or how to cure it.

Let me make myself clear. I strongly believe faith is good, whether you believe in religion, science, herbal remedies, aliens or fae folk at the bottom of the garden. It doesn't matter what you believe in as long as you aren't hurting anyone or judging anyone for having a different opinion. Faith in something allows people to get on with life without the nagging question of ' why ' playing on your mind. 

Unfortunately I also strongly believe that you shouldn't force your beliefs on anyone else nor should you use them to frighten them in times of stress. So far I've been told I got cancer because:

1) I stopped going to church. 

2) I own a mobile phone.

3) I don't pray enough. 

4) I'm not eating organic food. 

5) I live in sin.

6) I'm not a vegan.

7) I live in a city.

8) I'm not taking an amazing group of vitamins and supplements that could be mine for just £59.95.

9) I was a murderer in a past life.

10) I must have rubbish genetics. 

11) I don't drink mineral water exclusively.

12) I use bleach.

13 ) I've dyed my hair.

14) I don't eat cabbage.

15) I haven't had children.

16) I no longer wear a crucifix. 

Personally I'm only inclined to believe number 10 and that's my perogative. Last week my grandmother (Catholic family remember) told me God was reaching out and touching me while I slept and this is what would make me better. As a side note, it's not helpful in this situation to reply with 'That was God? Blimey I wondered why HP had gotten so fidgety all of a sudden'. She also told me God spoke to her and said if I prayed he'd save me. I can accept this most of the time because I appreciate she believes it. She falls entirely into the Saviour bracket and whilst I lost my faith in a deity quite some time ago I don't think it does any harm as long as you aren't giving me the 'you've been cursed with the plagues' speech just because I don't share your ideas. You'd think I was crazy if I told you all illnesses were caused by tiny Gods that created a universe in jam and they're so angry at humans for eating it that they've made it their mission to destroy us. I wouldn't blame you either. 

Anyway that is nothing compared to the charlatans. The people who suddenly have decided to tell me that conventional medicine isn't the answer. They've got the right combination of herbs and vitamins to get it away naturally. Medicine is just a lie. In the words of Tim Minchin - do you know what they call natural remedies that work? MEDICINE! Yes fine, tell me to use vitamins as well if you like. Tell me about the natural spring water that changed your life. Tell me about the chinese medicine guy on the high street that cured you or your special raw food diet. I've no doubt there will be some truth in what you say but don't tell me to use it instead!

It was one of those messages that made me angry today because it does worry me. My grandfather almost didn't have his triple heart bypass because he'd been targeted by someone who told hhima specific vegetarian diet would reverse the damage in his heart. He wouldn't listen to us and try both. It didn't work and in the end he had it after he'd deteriorated. Spouting that kind of stuff can be dangerous. 

Of course I am a hypocrite. It is only my opinion.

Anonymous
  • FormerMember
    FormerMember

    Hey if anyone deserves an apology it's not andy pandy, it's me!. He and Teddy were awful, making Looby Loo stay in the picnic basket! Super rude! No one she started her own song, it was probably a cry for help ;)

    I don't think people can stop themselves. They can't stand not knowing exactly why this happened so instead they think it'll be helpful to give you their weird and wonderful theories. I'm sure you're right and they were always there, but they didn't feel the need to point it in my direction and even if they did I clearly didn't notice before.

    Still it's given me a source of amusement more often than anger so I suppose I should be thanking the random craziness. Maybe you can continue the game of 'name that nurse' and I'll start a game of 'counter that curse'. Every time someone tells me I've got cancer for any random reason they can think of I'll come up with an equally ridiculous counter point and argue that I know the truth. Perhaps I can say I have cancer because:

    I once swallowed a spider the size of a car in my sleep; I don't own a flying motorbike; I am one part cherokee (I'm definitely not); I've been making my own clone in the basement and the genetics went wrong; I angered a group of pixies last summer on holiday; I've never been to Asia and it's getting revenge for my tardiness; I have one leg longer than the other and the cells got too tired trying to travel up the long one; I have an unhealthy obsession with broccoli and I've overdosed on mini trees; I am the daughter of a donkey and a river monster; I saw a cloud in the shape of a 'C' or maybe I have an addiction to stroking the ears of strangers and I've poisoned myself with an abundance of other people's cells.

    After all, they're all just as likely causes as the fact I don't eat cabbage or I've dyed my hair or I was a murderer in a past life!