On a sunny Thursday afternoon in June our world changed, at that moment in time it dissolved. I hadn't slept properly for weeks before that point - waiting for results is modern day torture - someone knows and you don't.
Friday morning we sat for what felt like a lifetime waiting to see the consultant, who confirmed the NHL diagnosis and then went on to treatment. When I heard the word chemotherapy my heart broke, my strong, lovely and kind husband was to go through chemo. The doctor and specialist nurse carried on as if they'd merely mentioned he had to have an injection or two while I fought not to cry. The battle with tears was lost and I left the room - I now have a favourite toilet ont he corridor outside the doctors room - I must go about four times before every appointment and I must use that particular loo!
The specialist nurse came to find me and I was soon to discover that specialist probabaly meant 'special' in some other not very good way. She doesn't listen, she's patronising and it's safe to say I never want to see her again. She tried to put her arms round me which is definate no-no and once we were in the quiet room my husband had a moment (only the second time I've seen him cry in 13 years) at which point she decided it was the right time to ask if we wanted benefits advice. The tact and diplomacy of the woman is truly special. We did quite well - neither of us swore at her and I dutifully took all the books and leaflets she had about how our lives were effectively over, how we could expect to be divorced by the end of the next month and generally how crap the next few months were going to be.
Feeling none too great we left the hospital in shock and went back to work.
The following week was full of tests and appointments and yet again my favourite loo and doctors office, treatment confirmed - full course chemo and two antibodies on the end. So nothing to worry about then in the view of 'special' and the consultant who has the personality of a wet fish, apart from you will get all the side effects, you will have to take some away from work (self employed - probably not going to happen) and it will be shit. Thanks for nothing. I then ask for some positives if there are any? It's at this point we're told that there is not a single reason why the treatment will not cure him and we should be fine. Maybe we should have started with that not waited to be asked.
Another week passes waiting for chemo to start. I have never been so scared and helpless as I was sat watching him waiting for the treatment to start. His legs were twitching, hot and sweaty and there was not a single damn thing I could do. So once hooked up I went to work at the dismay of the nurses (6-7 hour treatment, what I was going to do I don't know) to make sure the business was there and running properly and to have a good cry, which I did all over one of our tech's. Pulled myself together and carried on.
Came home and he sat and waited to be ill - all weekend - sat waiting to fall ill. Thanks again for the advice that maybe not everyone gets all the side effects - oh no sorry - you didn't mention that.
After twelve days still no side effects and because I've fed him properly, wet fish and special can't believe how well his bloods have bounced back and how well he looks - 3 hours it took for that nugget of joy.
Second round on Friday and I've everything crossed it will be the same as the first.
