The last few days have been full of ups and downs, though many more downs than ups. Not sure if its normal, but have been having mainly morbid thoughts. Probably quite irrational. I tend to be quite organised so I checked with my solicitor to make sure he still had copies of my will. I then made a list of all my bank accounts, where the money was, life insurance reference numbers, pension reference numbers etc and how many death certificates my wife should get in case the worst happens. I even made a list of names and telephone numbers of people I felt should know and surprisingly it felt better once I'd done it and now I feel a bit more positive.
Today I've decided to give my cancer a name (don't ask me why 'cause I don't know) but he is called Larry. Apologies to all Larry's out there, no offence meant. It stems from an old 70's song by The Floaters called 'Float on'. Strangely enough I heard it just the other for the 1st time in years. For those of you that don't know it, the singers take it in turn to sing, starting with their star sign and name. When it gets about half way the through one guy steps up and says "Cancer, and my name is Larry". With this and the tenatative link of the groups name to the stuff coming though the colon, it seemed appropriate.
So thats it, no longer is it cancer, its Larry. Even this has helped me feel less morbid.
Hopefully might find out this week about the CT scan
