Are you a relative or friend of someone with cancer? Not sure how to support them? Look no further...

Macmillan is here to support – everyone affected by cancer. We’re guessing you know that already, right? But did you also know that we really do mean everyone – not just those living with cancer? If you’re a family member or friend of someone with cancer, we’re here to support you too.

Where do I start?

As much as you want to help your relative or friend, you may not know what to say or do for the best. It’s completely normal to feel like this. What you actually say isn’t important – it’s the listening that counts. We have tips on how to be a good listener so that your loved one can really open up to you. You can also find information in our booklet Lost for words: how to talk to someone with cancer.

To encourage your relative or friend to talk, it’s important to try to understand the emotions they might be going through. Then you can acknowledge their feelings. If your loved one says they feel worried, show that you understand and ask why they feel that way, rather than trying to tell them everything will be fine. Don’t feel like you have to offer some kind of magical solution to their problem.

As a relative or friend of someone with cancer, you’re likely to be going through a range of emotions yourself, such as uncertainty, loneliness, denial, anger, anxiety and maybe even depression. Although you may feel that you should keep your emotions hidden from your loved one, talking about them to others can help you feel stronger. This in turn will mean you’re better able to support them. You might find these tips on how to take care of yourself helpful.

It’s the little things that matter

There are lots of ways you can give your relative or friend practical as well as emotional support. Think about what your skills are and how you could use them to help. For example:

• Can you cook for them? Taking them pre-cooked, frozen meals may be welcome.
• Can you make meals for other family members?
• Can you help around the house or in the garden?
• Can you take the children out for the day to give the couple some time together?
• Can you babysit, so their partner can visit them in hospital?
• Can you find videos/CDs/DVDs they will like?
• Will there be groceries or flowers at home when they get out of hospital? Something as small as this could make a big difference.

It may help to offer to take care of one or two practical things that your loved one has mentioned. That way, they won’t feel embarrassed or overwhelmed by the attention. This may require a bit of thought about what they might like or need. Here’s an example:

There are many more ways that you can help – have a look at this checklist for other ideas.

You can find information on everything covered here and more on the ‘talking to someone’ section of our website. You can also call our free support line on 0808 808 0000 (Monday–Friday, 9am–8pm). Please feel free to leave any comments below.