My brother has cancer

Less than one minute read time.

6 Feb 2024

Hi all

My brother has stage 4 lung cancer. He was diagnosed 4 months ago and only told me just before christmas. Staff at his work were taking him to appointments and pleaded with him to tell me but as he said to have told me makes it all real. It's now February 2024. I have gone with him to his appointments and watched as his weight gets less and he cant eat and refuses support from agencies that could make his surroundings comfortable.

This week he has been refused his 3rd chemo as hes lost more weight and has issues in his arm and feet. So they have issued an emergency scan for tomorrow. He refuses to talk about issues that really need addressing and we are all left with what can we do? I worry he may have a fall as he lives with his son but his son isn't always there. Ive asked him to move in with me for a break as he lives 4 flights up with no lift and this is becoming very challenging for him. He has refused. I feel helpless

Dignahtee 9 months ago

This is hard to read and must be so hard for you. I honestly can't tell you a simple solution to this. I do encourage you to contact Macmillan direct and see if there is someone that you can talk with - they will have experience of what you are describing and may be able to suggest things that you can try. AND, they will be able to support you; those close to cancer patients are massively impacted by the disease and often need support too. We are all different and our experiences of cancer and how we react to it are different. For me, talking openly to all my friends family and colleagues has been a huge help, but not everyone feels comfortable doing this. Cancer is a horrible thing to have and it can be very hard to accept that this has come into our lives. I am sure you will be kind to your brother and keep trying to help him, and please be kind to yourself too. Lean on your friends, I have leant on mine and they have been truly amazing. I wish you all the luck in the World and thank you for caring so much about your brother.
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Liquidsunshine 9 months ago in reply to Dignahtee

Thank you so much for your reply, since I last posted this he has had an emergency scan on wed eve. Waiting on results. In the meantime he has been given steroids (hes on day 2 ) But these have already made a huge difference ! He is starting to snack on things and drinking more . He has allowed me and my younger sister to clean his flat today, which is a major hurdle. We are hoping he will let us put in place aids that he desperately needs. I think contacting directly is something I feel we may need to do.
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Dignahtee 9 months ago in reply to Liquidsunshine

So pleased to read this. Well done you and your sister. One day at a time and little wins make a huge difference. I find being busy and doing something/anything is much better for my head than doing nothing. Facing a potentially life-ending disease is so hard for anyone. We are all so different in how we respond to any challenge. Do what you can and be there for your brother and do look after yourselves. I have not called on Macmillan directly myself but they will help if you feel the need to ask. My prognosis is pretty rubbish and the support that I am getting is what is getting me through, my friends and family have been absolutely brilliant. People are great.
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