Crazy Time

1 minute read time.

FormerMember

12 Oct 2012

I’m having a crazy time of it.

Since my diagnosis I have been pretty upbeat about things taking things in my stride.

The most used line so far is ‘Well its Hodgkins so they can do something about it!’

The problem is inside I’m thinking ‘What the hell is happening, I have no control over this and probably the one we all think Why me!’

As I have not started treatment yet I’m also worried about that and the affects it’s going to have on me, my family and my work....

Looking on here has helped I have to admit but some bits have scared and worried me too.

As I’m sure a lot of us do I have hidden these worries from my family & friends...

Although I admit I have cracked a few times and had a cry when on my own and also a bit when with my wife.

Sue has been great and a wonderful support to me but I know she feels the same and is trying to hide this from me also (why do we do that!)

My 1^st lot of ABVD is on Monday and can’t describe how I feel......................

I was hoping work would take my mind off it but that isn’t working.

I honestly just want to curl up in a corner somewhere

FormerMember over 12 years ago

Hi.

Reading your blog was just like reading my own thoughts and how I am dealing with things at the moment. I have also recently been diagnosed and I am also trying to be upbeat about the whole situation, but inside I just want to scream out.. Friends and Family keep asking me how I can be so positive, but all I can say is " well what else can I do " . Moping around and getting upset all the time is not going to change my situation but admitedly, I also have a little cry on my own. As a single mum of 2 I feel thats the only way I can be. This is my first time on here and you was the first blog that I read. I just thought " wow " everything you said is me.

Work is keeping me busy but the thoughts of whats going to happen are still spinning around in my head 24/7.
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FormerMember over 12 years ago

Hi Coops36, Positive is a word used by people who dont have, and never have had cancer. We are all scared shitless by the bloody thing. I had been 'all clear' after lung cancer surgery for four years, until June when abnormalities/ infections were found. I go back this week on Wednesday for the follow up Xray, still scared shitless !!! Talk to as many other patients as you can, it helps. Outsiders have no idea what we go thru', even family make me angry. How can anyone be flippant about lung cancer ????.

Two or three of my contacts are in remission from Hodgkins, all doing well.

Bill xxxxxxxxxx
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