I'm sure its nothing special but I'm one of those people who is there for everyone else and can't go to someone with their stresses because I'm too busy trying to keep everyone calm and happy. I just needed to tell someone what its been like for me.
Earlier this year I got a divorce from a terrible marriage and became the happiest independant woman ever. I'm 22 and love my life and everything in it, good and bad. After my divorce I lost 25 lbs of stress weight and started running(my love and best friend) I eat healthy got in the best shape of my life, moved into a beautiful house and found a wonderful boyfriend. About three months ago, on a normal day, I had a mild stroke(or at least we think that's what it was) while snuggling with my boyfriend on the couch. We went to the er but I'm a waitress and we don't get healthcare so they wouldn't help me. I had seizures on and off for about 4 hrs after the mild stroke and all the did was a tox screne and a blood test. I was seizing in front of them and they said it was probably the flu and I should go home. I figured if they sent me home it couldn't really be that bad so we just tried to ignore it but ever since then I've had seizure every time I get tired. They are just strange eye twitches and don't usually last long so I got used to that because I thought maybe it would go away. A month or so later I started noticing weird bumps in my chest around my collarbone. Then my appetite turned weird. I was either hungry or nauseous. There was no in between. I had a weird seizure where I could move and talk and understand but my eyes wouldn't react to light and you could see the muscles in my chest twitching. I'd rarely ever had headaches and now I have migraines every day. Then the fatigue hit. I found a free clinic and got in after a few weeks. They told me that the bumps were severely swollen lymph nodes. They did bloodwork and found nothing, then they did a chest ct and I guess they found more swollen nodes than they expected. My options were virus, infection, cancer. The blood test ruled out virus and made infection look unlikely. We already had the cancer talk and I have a surgery tuesday to figure out for sure. I feel like I've been hit by a rather large truck pretty much all the time.
I'm sure it all sounds kind of whiney but I'm still doing good. I'm not afraid of the cancer, I'm afraid of the treatments(side effects). I'm not really afraid of dying though it won't happen from this, I'm afraid of who it'll hurt. My life is amazing. I have jobs I love, a boyfriend who is there for every test, we go on dates every time I have a testand he holds my hand when they stick in the needles. I have 4 amazing dogs. A beagle mix that snuggles when I hurt, a lab who reminds me running is good for me even if I feel too tired, and two cuties my boyfriend brought. I refuse to let this change my life anymore than It has to. My doctors love me because I'm whitty and happy even when they have bad news. They're doing everything they can and call to check on my all the time and I have so many people who love me. Lol and in the very least I have an insanely comfy bed for when I just can't get out of bed(I don't let oit happen often but some days I don't have a choice). Everyone is terrified of the "C" word but its just helped me learn that you can learn to function through anything. Some daus the exhaustion gets to me and because of my weak immune system I can't run outside in the cold so I'm stuck with a human hamster wheel(treadmill) but for the most part I'm good. I'm not annoyingly optimistic but I am insanely content.
Well, that's it. Thanks for listening. I just needed to talk to someone who actually understands in hopes it'll be less awkward. Lol I feel like all the sudden I don't fit in a normal crowd of people because they don't understand anymore. Its strange. Anyway... like I said, thanks.
FormerMember
Hi wrthfighting4,
Got to be honest I read this with mixed feelings, First was - wow ! what an inspiring story and attitude - know its only a small part of the solution but I agree being positive does help - every day does have something that makes living worth while.
The other feeling - OK - Bit different here in the UK where we get free medical services without a need to contribute, if you are working then you pay insurance but even if you have never done a days work in your life it all free.
This is the 21st Century to think that any developed Country would or could turn someone away from an A & E ( OK - Accident and Emergency here ! ) defies belief. I know there has been a change in policy and attitude over there in recent months and I suppose it takes time for new legislation to take effect.
OK no point being bitter about Cancer, and it does not sound like you are - You have so much that is good in your life now, Home, Work, Boyfriend or partner and 4 wonderful mates to share the times when you need a hug and a friendly lick - sound like you have things worked out pretty well.
Yes Cancer can be scary and as you have said sometimes the treatments can sound even more scary ! What does help is being able to talk to others who are in the same boat, maybe we have been where you are now, some of us are still there now so we do understand some of the more negative feelings that creep out sometimes in the night. Some have come out the other side and I know many on this site who would be happy to tell you that the treatments are less scary than the alternatives.
Think maybe you need to have been affected by Cancer to understand so yes maybe it makes us a little different or even special, compared to 'Normal', reckon that means we are super-normal rather than abnormal !
,
I hope your life stays as good as it sounds and that you get all the treatments you need to get off that treadmill and get out and about again.
Wishing the best possible future and long life to you and Yours
Welcome, Im really sorry that you find yourself on this site but you will find many friends with experiences relevant to you. I haven't myself experienced cancer so cant begin to pretend that I know what you are going through, but have recently lost my mum to gullet cancer after a short fight.
You are obviously a really positive person, I am sure that whatever you facing, your attitude will help you through it. You are very young to have to face such worries, I hope that you use the support of your friend, boyfriend and if possible your family. I know that it may not seem as thoughthey understand, but by talking through what you are feeling and facing,you can help them to help you. Because you are just 22, it is likely that your friends have never had to deal with anything of such a serious nature before and are not sure how best to be there for you. I am glad that your docs are being supportive, it makes all the difference to know that they care.
I will be thinking of you, please keep us updated when you get your results and there will be others here who can give you more advice. Keep a strong hold of your optimistic attitude and your bubbly personality!!
Oh, and by the way, Im sure that you are something special with an attitude like you have!! The world needs more people like youxx
Like john says, it begars beliefe that any hospital in this day and age in a supposed civilised country could turn anyone away from and A&E situation whilst still obviosly very unwell, oh how lucky we are to have the NHS which everybody bitches about in this country.
Now tell me again why are people against Mr Obama's health reform policies?
It sounds to me like you have a positive attitude, and although it looks like you will have more problems getting treatment and paying for it, than you will with dealing with whatever is making you sick, it is just all an added problem that you really dont need at a time like this.
I know when i was told that i had bladder cancer 2 months ago it really knocked me for six in just about every direction, but it was nice to know that i would in time have the best treatment i could expect, and within a week of diagnosis i had had the operation to remove it, and within 14 days had the histology results explained to me, been given a team of specilist urology nurses x3 who will stay with me for the next 5 years of follow up treatment, i have their names and phone numbers and can contact them whenever i need to, even my doctor now knows my name! and seems to treat me with a bit more respect, not that i used to bother him from one year to the next with minor problems, but its just very reassuring to know that when the chips are down the NHS does work for most people most of the time, and is free at the point of useage for all, wether you have paid into the system or not.
It sounds like you live a fit and healthy life style, work hard and enjoy the fruits of your labors, and have a careing and loving boyfriend, and 4 great dogs to look after, who i am sure with their 6th sense know you are not well, it is very hard to maintain that style of life when you are not feeling 100% fit and well, although it makes you feel better when you try.
I hope you will find reliefe soon by way of good treatment and an understanding medical team, and we hope to see you here again, with some good news.
I am assuming you are in the USA? put me right if you are not.
Not a lot that I can add to what has already been said, except that that I was in Illinois when I was told I had cancer in my uterus, and also that my breast cancer had spread to my liver, I was lucky that my husbands work covered me very well and I was quickly seen to, and operated on, i came back home and am now being treated very well by our N.H.S system,I don't understand why other countries don't have an N.H.S system, and I
think it's disgusting that you had to search around for a
With that attitude and outlook on life, You will do ok whatever lies ahead. I send you my strength Support caring and Love. All the best for the future.
Good Luck and stay on this site you will find a lot of friends that care. I have a collie cross called Meggie and she has been with me from the start when I was diagnosed with Cancer. She is the best friend
