Hello,
I just thought that I would introduce myself and tell you why I decided to start a blog on this site. First of all, hi and I'm sorry to see you here too. Consider this me giving you a virtual hug.
So my dad died about two months ago and I have been wandering around in a very sad and very nostalgic daze of total shock. He left me a letter with huge amounts of advice in - paragraphs relevant to almost every aspect of life: how to throw a party, how to choose a husband, how to keep money in a bank, why one should use their hands as well as brains etc. Basically imparting with me his own personal recipe for happiness that he had managed to perfect so well.
One piece of advice I am already acting upon is that he suggested keeping a diary - not in order to fill it with emotions and self justified rants but thoughts and anecdotes that someday people who know you will read. Well, this won't be coherent and amusing and it's for people who don't know my name and I will never meet, but it's a starting point.
My brain is constantly racing at 100m/ph and I can't bring myself to talk to anyone about it - so I am going to talk to you, and if I can manage to express what I think/feel and not let it get diluted by confusion or self-consciousness it might help someone else on here feel less alone. And hopefully it will give my thoughts room to straighten out a bit.
I am writing it here because this site has been a huge source of comfort to me over the past year. It's amazing because it's full of very sad, stressed people trying desperately to convey emotions which they don't understand and which they don't have words for. But it's real. It's people in horrendous situations being brave enough throw out - "arghhhhhhbelrghh.... anyone else kinda get what I mean?!!! Also help me" and then praying for something back.
I am lonely, confused, angry, guilty, shocked, tired and just so, so sad. And that is why I am here. Please stick around, I know we could all use a friend.
Smallhands X
(I have attached a picture of a dog in a swimming pool because it makes me happy when I look at it).
