My mum is 66, she has cancer of the oesophagus and tumours underneath the skin all over her body (which I think she has been told are a separate cancer) and it is terminal. Symptoms only began in april/may this year and she was diagnosed terminal just 4 weeks ago.
She is deteriorating fast (tiredness, pain, weightloss,gastroparesis,inability to eat solids, more lumps appearing daily) . The lumps all over her body are far more painful and problematic than the tumour in her oesophagus.
She was offered palliative chemo but declined when they told her it would only buy 2/3 months more. I can't accept that she will soon be gone, she means the world to me . I hate seeing the pain in her face, although she tries hard to keep it from us. She is very practical, and I helped her choose her funeral songs yesterday! But when I come home each day after seeing her I need to cry to release the emotions inside me. My children are 11,13 and 14 and are having to deal with this too...as well as having a mum who is far less tolerant than normal ! My hubby is very supportive too, but his mum who I adore is also very ill just now so there is a lot going on.
I feel so helpless.....how can I make anything better ? I need to know what to expect, and keep wondering just how long we have left with her. Trying to be strong for everyone, but inside my heart is breaking. I am forty in 4 weeks, my mum wants me to go ahead with my party but I crumble when I think that she may not be able to be there with me (her birthday is in the same week).
I want to be the best support to her I can be, but need to be able to share how I feel with people who reallly understand what this is like. xx
Sharon
