Hi all
Well, mums distric nurses decided to try her on Fentanyl patches instead of the morphine by syringe driver (not sure why as it was giving quite effective pain relief). Anyway overnight on Sunday/monday she had on her first patch, and at 11am yesterday the pump was removed.
Yesterday was horrendous!! Mum was climbing the wall with pain by the evening, very confused and with very upset stomach ( as she is not eating any solids and only getting a little fluids this is worrying). I sat with her for 4 hours last night while my stepdad had to go out (he was in need of a break anyway as he has been fantastic and has been with Mum 24/7). Most of the time I just massaged mum's arms, legs or scalp as it relaxed her and distracted her from the pain. Stepdad phoned morning to say that they had been awake and up all night, he had given Mum the morphine tablet (small 2.5 dose) that nurses had left and Mum had got about an hours sleep. She still has upset stomach, and she was too weak to get up sitting on the loo this morning.
Mum has been so amazingly brave throughout all of this, and it is awful seeing her again being in so much pain. Think she migt have to go back on the syringe driver, it was doing a good job. I lay awake all night thinking about her. Its Mums birthday on Saturday, she will be 67 and Im 40 tomorrow. Got my party on Friday, which mum is adamant must go ahead. How do I paint on a smile and celebrate when I feel like this. I know I have to because Mum wants me to, but I think it will be really hard because I cant imagine having the party knowing she is at home and not able to be there. We are all going to Mums on Saturday, and have wracked our brains about a birthday pressie. Finally decided on a framed photo of her 7 grandchildren (mines and my sisters) . One of our friends hubbys is a photographer and he took the photos on Sunday so we are hopin that they will be nice.
This is such a strange week, so many things to celebrate (3 birthdays , 2 anniversaries) but it just feels weird. I just want mum to be okay!!! I think she has been using my birthday as a goal, what's going to happen once its over??
Sorry if Im rambling, my head is all over the place this morning. These last two months have been a rollercoaster and I keep feeling like its gonna just stop suddenly. I feel so out of control. Mum and I are very similar, and we like to take charge of things! We cant take charge of this, Mum broke down the other day saying "Im dying and Im not ready...I had so much still to do with my life".
Lifes not fair.
Sharonxxx
