Hi
Well it has been a really tough few days, feel like a wreck just now. Missing Mum every waking minute, cant seem to actually focus on anything else.This has not been helped by my anger at Mums treatment in the medical admissions ward.
On Sunday night Mum was admitted to accident and emergency having suffered a stroke, due to the cancer reaching her brain. She was put on oxygen and left in a cubicle for 6 hours, except when they gave her an xray.The xray technician who took her on her trolley didnt notice the oxygen mask attached to the wall and jerked my mums body really badly when it caught and rebounded. To make matters worse, when she was at xray I nipped back to her house to get some pjs etc for her, leaving my stepdad with her. When I came back about an hour and 15 mins later, they had forgot to reattach the oxygen and she was struggling to breathe. questionable doctor told us that yes she had a stroke, but it was possible she would make a full recovery and be able to eat and drink again!! Well thats good , I replied , because the cancer has meant she hasnt eaten for 8 weeks!!
Mum was then transferred to a medical admisssions ward, in a 6 bedded room with absolutely no privacy. Mum needed the loo, but knew due to the pain from her tunours a bedpan would be very difficult. She asked for her morphine injection so that the pain would be bearable. After 30 mins a nurse asked us to leave and propped mum up on a carboard bedpan, despite the tumours on the base of her spine. When the nurse hadnt come to get us after 15 mins I went back in and was devastated to find Mum still on the bedpan, in absolute agony and not having managed to go. I grabbed a nurse and asked that they get mum comfortable immediately and give her the morphine injection which by now she was absolutely desperate for. She eventually got it 50 mins after asking, when I practically dragged a nurse into her cubicle and was almost in tears) and I later discovered they had only gave her 5mg!! When my stepdad returned from his coffee, he fetched a commode which he had to clean himself, lifted my mum from her bed and held her onto the commode, where she managed to wee for scotland!!! She was far more comfortable for having been, and was able to talk for a while. She asked when she was getting her hospice bed (hospice was full and she was meant to go that day). Im going to get you comfy mum, I said, I'll find someone to help make sure that you get what you need. "well," she said" you better hurry because I dont have long." Mum knew she was dying, her eyes spoke volumes, they pleaded with us to help her.
We went to the macmillan centre based at the hospital, but it was closed becasue of a local holiday. We phoned marie curie hsopice, but were told mum wasnt on the list for that day. We felt helpless, as though no-one was taking her needs seriously.
Later , they came to take mum for a ct scan. The move on the trolley was absolute agony for mum, and when she came back she asked for morphine again. I went in search of a nurse and asked for morphine. Sorry she said, Ive not had her handover yet, she will have to wait!!!! 20 MINUTES LATER, after me asking again, she came with pain relief..............a paracetamol drip!!!!! I was getting upset, it was now 4pm and no-one was doing anything! Finally the hospital palliative care team arrived, said they were still trying to get hospice bed for Mum. They got her an immediate morphine injection and then had her written up on the liverpool care pathway, with morphine whenever needed. We begged them to find Mum a private room, they said she was priority. Told us that mum wasnt going to die imminently night, we should get some rest. Left hospital at 8.00pm , stepdad was staying put. Mum was moved to a single room at 9pm and they transferred her lying flat. After transfer, things started to change very quickly. Mums breathing was very distressed and she needed suction to alleviate this. she was not conscious after 10pm. We were called back to hospital 10.30 pm. The nurse who had taken over mums care couldnt have been nicer, she has restored my faith somewhat by being caring, compassionate, unobtrusive. Mum was finally made comfortable.Thankyou, nurse Kathy.
After a very difficult and distressing 7 hours, Mum became much more settled and after 3 and a half peaceful hours finally slipped away at 8.13 am. I was holding her hand, as was my brother. I couldnt let it go, I didnt want to.
I wish that she was still here, but not as she was in the last few weeks. She had less than 3 months from diagnosis, and they were relentless in the progression of this dreadful disease. Mum , I will love you forever. xxxxxxx
I am angry about much of mums treatment over the last 3 months.We have had to fight every step for her to recieve pain control and be treated well. The funeral arranger has been awful, but I will save those details for another time. Funeral is on Tueday.
