10 months today since Mum died, and also exactly a year since we were told she was untreatable. This last month has been strangely difficult, and today more so. Not sure if its because June last year was when mum was diagnosed, and so every day for the last month I have woken thinking ..."this time last year". From now until September holds a different memory every day and I feel a little as though my grief has regressed. I do think though that when I get to the anniversary of Mum's death in September, I will be able to look back on this last year and say , yes it has been a horrendous road, but that I am learning to live without Mum,and still smiling, and thankful for all that I still have. And Mum will never really be gone because inside my heart I carry her with me always..
Right now though, I have been feeling very sad. On this day last year, the hope that we had been clutching onto was extinguished brutally and I remember thinking...how can I support Mum through this when I just want to be a little girl again, crawl into her arms and find the comfort that I longed for. So we comforted each other, and Mum showed me in the following 2 months what true strength means, she had courage beyond belief right till the end.
A dear friend on here is facing the loss of her own Mum imminently, and wondering how she will cope. It seems an insurmountable task. But cope she will, day by day, hour by hour, and by remembering that love and memories stay with us forever. I could not imagine a life without my Mum, but it is true, life does go on, albeit different. There are highs, lows, and times of drifting aimlessly on this path. But ultimately, we learn just how strong we can be, and that strength sees us through, as a patient or as family member and loved one.
The next two months for me may be difficult, but nothing compared to this time last year. My strength has come from knowing that Mum would want me to live life fully and make each day count. So thoughmy grief is winning today, tomorrow will be better.
Thank you Mum, for teaching me to be who I am today xx
