It's 7 weeks since my mum passed away and it is getting harder every day to cope with her not being here with me. I love her so much it hurts and I have spent most of today sobbing. At the moment I just can't see myself ever getting over this.
As many of you will know my absence from work has caused added distress as my boss referred me to OH within 24 hours of finding out I had a sicknote. That was 4 weeks ago and yesterday my GP gave me another sicknote, this time for 8 weeks. I've emailed my boss to let her know and a friend has been over to collect it and take it into school today at lunch time. I didn't mention in my email that it was for 8 weeks and know she will go off her head when she sees it. I also let her know that I've made arrangements to access the counselling she is funding and will begin this on Monday morning at 10.30am. To be honest I don't feel ready to share my grief with anyone else yet as I feel so raw but I was advised by OH to go ahead with the appointment to keep my boss happy! Why the hell it should be about keeping her happy I don't know.
My boss hasn't emailed me back yet but I'm sure once she gets the sicknote from Suzanne at the end of school today she will act quickly to arrange the welfare meeting she has been holding over my head for the last couple of weeks. I am resigned to having to attend that but will ask if it can take place at my house as I don't want to go into school or any other council building she may suggest. I'd much rather be on my home turf.
I have also had a phone call from Carol, the family support person, from the hospice and Paula, the complimentary therapy coordinator at the hospice. I am going to see Paula on Tuesday morning to see what she can offer. I think it's things like massage and reflexology. I have also had a phone call from my PCT. A woman rung to say that my GP had referred me for some counselling but that they didn't actually offer bereavement counselling (so why did he refer me I ask myself?). She told me about a local woments centre and advised me to email and see if they could help. She has also said she will put me on their list for counselling related to low mood and that they would be in touch. I emailed the womens centre and they have got back to say that they can offer counselling. There is a 6 week waiting list so if I can go in for an initial assessment next Tuesday afternoon they should be able to offer me some 1 to 1 bereavement counselling early in the New Year. So I've also agreed to do that as my counselling from school amounts to 6 sessions and I'm not convinced that'll be enough. I may as well keep my options open.
So it's 7 weeks today since mum passed away. I have made every effort to access as much support as possible and, hopefully, at least some of it will help. In the mean time I will let my tears flow as it can be quite cathartic although it is extremely painful at the time.
Finally thanks to all my friends on here. Your support has been like a warm blanket wrapped around me. You are the ones who really do understand, you all know who you are! God Bless. XX
