Some of you may remember that mum and I made an effort to stop smoking when mum was first diagnosed. Actually we did quite well at first cutting right down to 3 a day. Then, for one reason or another (not going to make excuses) we reverted back to our 20 plus a day habit.
When mum was told she was NED on Thursday I said again that we really should give up as it was madness, given the circumstances, for either of us to be smoking. Yesterday we made an effort to cut down and did quite well but today we have made no effort at all.
I could cry. I feel panicky when I think about it and yet when I'm panicky and thinking about it I reach for a cig! I'm scared that mum smoking will make her cancer come back quicker and that makes me panic more.
I'm at my wits end. I really wish there was a rehab for smokers as I think that's the only way I might stop. I made up my mind to stop once before and din't touch a cig for 5 years. I couldn't tell you now why I started again. I've tried cutting down, cold turkey, patches, lozenges, inhalators and have not succeeded. My last chance is to try champix and I have thought about going to my GP and asking for it BUT I'm scared because if that doesn't work there's nothing else that will help. People say if you really want to give up you will but I do want to give up I just can't seem to do it. Let's face it it's a drug and I'm a drug addict!
I feel very sad tonight, quite weepy. Just don't know what to do. Off to bed now because when I'm asleep I don't smoke.
