I'LL JUST POINT OUT THAT I'M BLOGGING TO TRY AND GET MY HEAD AROUND THE CURRENT SITUATION WITH WORK AND WHETHER OR NOT I SHOULD INVOLVE MY UNION SO PLEASE DON'T FEEL YOU NEED TO READ THIS. IF YOU CHOOSE TO READ IT AND HAVE ANY EXPERIENCE OF THIS I'D APPRECIATE YOUR VIEWS/ADVICE.
Over the weekend I have tried to put this out of my mind without success. Is Colette really trying to pull a fast one or am I just being paranoid? I hate to think that she would use my current state of health to nudge me out of my current leadership post insinuating that I've said it is too challenging, something I have not said! I now realise if I dispute saying this she could use the HR woman who was at the meeting to support her to say I did say it and I would have noone to say that I didn't.
I really don't want to believe that of her and keep trying to convince myself that as she has been so supportive since mum was diagnosed why would she change now? Could it be that there has been this hidden agenda all along? Do I trust that she would never do anything to upset or hurt me and would never be underhand or do I accept that, just in case, I should take someone with me?
I have tried to consider what I would have to gain by taking someone and what I would possibly lose and also what I have to gain by not taking someone with me and what I would possibly lose by not taking someone. If I take someone it would be easy to dispute anything that was misquoted in any outcome letter I receive whereas if I don't and I am misunderstood or feel I haven't said something I would have no one to back that up. If I take someone Colette might feel betrayed by me and this could effect our relationship in the future. I have to go back and work there and that could be made difficult if I lose her trust. I know that statistics surrounding long term absence seem to indicate the longer a person is absent the less likely it is that they will go back or even if they go back tend to leave fairly soon after. I don't want to leave the school. When I'm well I love my job and have a lot of good friends there. Am I putting myself at risk of losing my job more by taking a union rep with me or not taking one? Am I risking Colettes support and goodwill if I take someone?
The answer is I don't know. I suppose I feel I want to trust Colette and don't want to upset her (get her back up) by involving the union but, at the same time I am worried I'm leaving myself open to misinterpretation (deliberate or otherwise) if I don't involve the union. I am usually such a decisive person and I cannot believe I just can't seem to get my head round this and make a decision.
I've emailed the union guy and asked if it would be ok to leave my decision about whether or not to involve him until after my OH meeting on February 15th so I'll see what he says. To be honest it didn't help that I found him very abrupt when I spoke to him on Friday and I just think he might prove to be confrontational in a meeting, fighting my corner when maybe it doesn't need fighting! I'm really n ot clear at all am I? I think I have to hope that Occupational Health may be more forthcoming in terms of the best way forward but it's having to wait another week to find out that is tearing me up inside. I can't believe how anxious I am and how indecisive, it just isn't me!
