Monday February 7th - Still in a quandary!

3 minute read time.

FormerMember

7 Feb 2011

I'LL JUST POINT OUT THAT I'M BLOGGING TO TRY AND GET MY HEAD AROUND THE CURRENT SITUATION WITH WORK AND WHETHER OR NOT I SHOULD INVOLVE MY UNION SO PLEASE DON'T FEEL YOU NEED TO READ THIS. IF YOU CHOOSE TO READ IT AND HAVE ANY EXPERIENCE OF THIS I'D APPRECIATE YOUR VIEWS/ADVICE.

Over the weekend I have tried to put this out of my mind without success. Is Colette really trying to pull a fast one or am I just being paranoid? I hate to think that she would use my current state of health to nudge me out of my current leadership post insinuating that I've said it is too challenging, something I have not said! I now realise if I dispute saying this she could use the HR woman who was at the meeting to support her to say I did say it and I would have noone to say that I didn't.

I really don't want to believe that of her and keep trying to convince myself that as she has been so supportive since mum was diagnosed why would she change now? Could it be that there has been this hidden agenda all along? Do I trust that she would never do anything to upset or hurt me and would never be underhand or do I accept that, just in case, I should take someone with me?

I have tried to consider what I would have to gain by taking someone and what I would possibly lose and also what I have to gain by not taking someone with me and what I would possibly lose by not taking someone. If I take someone it would be easy to dispute anything that was misquoted in any outcome letter I receive whereas if I don't and I am misunderstood or feel I haven't said something I would have no one to back that up. If I take someone Colette might feel betrayed by me and this could effect our relationship in the future. I have to go back and work there and that could be made difficult if I lose her trust. I know that statistics surrounding long term absence seem to indicate the longer a person is absent the less likely it is that they will go back or even if they go back tend to leave fairly soon after. I don't want to leave the school. When I'm well I love my job and have a lot of good friends there. Am I putting myself at risk of losing my job more by taking a union rep with me or not taking one? Am I risking Colettes support and goodwill if I take someone?

The answer is I don't know. I suppose I feel I want to trust Colette and don't want to upset her (get her back up) by involving the union but, at the same time I am worried I'm leaving myself open to misinterpretation (deliberate or otherwise) if I don't involve the union. I am usually such a decisive person and I cannot believe I just can't seem to get my head round this and make a decision.

I've emailed the union guy and asked if it would be ok to leave my decision about whether or not to involve him until after my OH meeting on February 15th so I'll see what he says. To be honest it didn't help that I found him very abrupt when I spoke to him on Friday and I just think he might prove to be confrontational in a meeting, fighting my corner when maybe it doesn't need fighting! I'm really n ot clear at all am I? I think I have to hope that Occupational Health may be more forthcoming in terms of the best way forward but it's having to wait another week to find out that is tearing me up inside. I can't believe how anxious I am and how indecisive, it just isn't me!

FormerMember over 13 years ago

Hi Celiswain,

I suggested to you the last time that you had a meeting with Colette and the OH that you brought

your union rep with you. Now you have left yourself wide open with Colette and OHs word against yours.

You dont have a choice, well you do either bring your rep or dont. Thats what the Union rep gets paid for. So on the 15th Feb. Bring somebody with you that you can trust. Otherwise you will not have a leg to stand on at any meetings concerning your future. I know I might seem to be a bit harsh but its

for your sake. I was a Union Rep for 20 yrs and I know the tricks Management can get up to. Just dont go to the Meeting on your own. Good Luck.

Take care and be safe Big Hugs Love Sarsfield.xx
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FormerMember over 13 years ago

I know how you feel. I am having a difficult time at work. My partner is having treatment for an inoperable tumour. I have a demanding job, leading a team. However, I don't know if I am becoming paranoid too, but I feel that they are taking advantage of my problems. If anything goes wrong, it's my fault - because I am not coping apparently! Big blow up today, when I was accused of not doing my job properly and not knowing how to talk to people. My lack of confidence meant this destroyed me. In 11 years of doing this job successfully I have never been attacked like that or accused of not doing my job. I have always been open with them all and have been ultra sensitive about not taking things out on them - it's not their fault. And now, I wonder, if they are using my situation to criticise me - but why. I do a good job. My superiors think I do. And then mylack of confidence gets to me and I question myself - is it me? I know sometimes I can be a bit quiet but I don't think I have changed, or do I just not see it. Do I need help?
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FormerMember over 13 years ago

Caroline, I wish I knew how to advise you and I am saddened that this situation is still giving you so much worry that you can well do without.

I think that you should have someone with you at the meeting, but perhaps you could let colette know this and explain that you are only safe guarding yourself and that it in no way reflects upon your friendship , adding that you know that she has your interests at heart, to smoothe things between you. I agree that withouit representation you could be leaving yourself open but I also understand your dilemma as Colette is a friend and you wish her to remain so. I am in no doubt whatsoever that you are more than competent at your job, and this has not changed just because you are bereaved. she has to afford you the time to greive and to feel able to perform at your best again.

Im sorry I cant be of more help , but as always Im hear to listen whenever you need,love and ((hugs)) sharonx
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FormerMember over 13 years ago

Hi Celiswan, I agree with Sarsfield, you have to take someone into these meetings with you and your union rep would be the ideal person. He/she can actually get to the bottom of what's really going on and if they are just trying to use your personal situation as an excuse to confront you. Not a good situation to be in when our confidence is knocked which it is at this time. You are dealing with a major trauma in your life for goodness sake.

Sheenaky, the team you lead will see you are weak and be ready to take advantage. Do you have supervision meetings with them one-to-one where you can keep supervision notes and keep it strictly to work, no personality issues (I mean them not you). Then they don't have a leg to stand on if they've agreed the notes.

I am even amazed that you are both able to be at work as when my husband was diagnosed and needed me to be with him 24/7 I never thought about work, but fortunately I had a good manager and good HR team who stood behind me so I was able to care for my late husband.

Lots of love to both of you

Midge xx
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johnr over 13 years ago

Hi I have read most but not all of the posts so not sure if I have missed something but would share the following.

Its posible there were notes made of the meeting you have a right to receive a copy of those notes, though if you disagree with them there is not alot you can do other than point out the things you believe have been recorded incorrectly.

Given that you have concerns and changes to the leadership team may happen there is nothing wrong in having someone accompany you as your current state of mind may mean you hear things differently so have a different view to what has or has not been said. A third person is like when you visit the consultant a second set of ears who can remind you of the things you forget. Also if things get difficult they can ask for a break to talk to you to check you are ok.

You could think about emailing her to say this was raised ...... and it concerns me can you share with me your proposed changes to SMT or your thinking as to what and why you are making changes. This may either calm your fears or bring it to a head.

If you have any specific questions Pm/email me as I know a bit about how local authorities work.

Does Rosemary still get into chat she is an HR person so may be able to help you see through the fog.

take care

john
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