Monday February 7th - Still in a quandary!

3 minute read time.

FormerMember

7 Feb 2011

I'LL JUST POINT OUT THAT I'M BLOGGING TO TRY AND GET MY HEAD AROUND THE CURRENT SITUATION WITH WORK AND WHETHER OR NOT I SHOULD INVOLVE MY UNION SO PLEASE DON'T FEEL YOU NEED TO READ THIS. IF YOU CHOOSE TO READ IT AND HAVE ANY EXPERIENCE OF THIS I'D APPRECIATE YOUR VIEWS/ADVICE.

Over the weekend I have tried to put this out of my mind without success. Is Colette really trying to pull a fast one or am I just being paranoid? I hate to think that she would use my current state of health to nudge me out of my current leadership post insinuating that I've said it is too challenging, something I have not said! I now realise if I dispute saying this she could use the HR woman who was at the meeting to support her to say I did say it and I would have noone to say that I didn't.

I really don't want to believe that of her and keep trying to convince myself that as she has been so supportive since mum was diagnosed why would she change now? Could it be that there has been this hidden agenda all along? Do I trust that she would never do anything to upset or hurt me and would never be underhand or do I accept that, just in case, I should take someone with me?

I have tried to consider what I would have to gain by taking someone and what I would possibly lose and also what I have to gain by not taking someone with me and what I would possibly lose by not taking someone. If I take someone it would be easy to dispute anything that was misquoted in any outcome letter I receive whereas if I don't and I am misunderstood or feel I haven't said something I would have no one to back that up. If I take someone Colette might feel betrayed by me and this could effect our relationship in the future. I have to go back and work there and that could be made difficult if I lose her trust. I know that statistics surrounding long term absence seem to indicate the longer a person is absent the less likely it is that they will go back or even if they go back tend to leave fairly soon after. I don't want to leave the school. When I'm well I love my job and have a lot of good friends there. Am I putting myself at risk of losing my job more by taking a union rep with me or not taking one? Am I risking Colettes support and goodwill if I take someone?

The answer is I don't know. I suppose I feel I want to trust Colette and don't want to upset her (get her back up) by involving the union but, at the same time I am worried I'm leaving myself open to misinterpretation (deliberate or otherwise) if I don't involve the union. I am usually such a decisive person and I cannot believe I just can't seem to get my head round this and make a decision.

I've emailed the union guy and asked if it would be ok to leave my decision about whether or not to involve him until after my OH meeting on February 15th so I'll see what he says. To be honest it didn't help that I found him very abrupt when I spoke to him on Friday and I just think he might prove to be confrontational in a meeting, fighting my corner when maybe it doesn't need fighting! I'm really n ot clear at all am I? I think I have to hope that Occupational Health may be more forthcoming in terms of the best way forward but it's having to wait another week to find out that is tearing me up inside. I can't believe how anxious I am and how indecisive, it just isn't me!

FormerMember over 13 years ago

Hi Celia,

You really must not attend any meetings with school without union representation and ideally with a union case worker present and not just the branch secretary, nor just your school's rep. it is your right to have representation at meetings and this should not get your head's back up.

Kath x
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FormerMember over 13 years ago

Hi celiswan, you are in a right two and eight. Its understandable though, considering what you have been through. I think it would be positive to have some kind of representation during your meeting with Collete as you are so vulnerable right now and can't see the wood for the trees. Your representative can be someone you choose, so if you want a lady rep. ask for one. If you feel you're putting your head's back up, ring beforehand and explain you are slightly vulnerable right now and need clarity from the meeting and having someone there is simply that. This is about you and moving on with YOUR life and I wish you some of that strength you have already had in caring for your mum, to move forward. God bless, good luck and, whatever outcome I am sure it will be for your best - hopefully getting back in the saddle. Ann x
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FormerMember over 13 years ago

Hi,

This is a really difficult time for you at the moment and making decisions about going back to work puts additional pressures and strains on those of us who have lost a loved one. If like me you have difficulty concentrating, making decisions, keeping motivated etc, then now is not the right time to be making these decisions. If you are being forced to then fair enough. It is likely that Collete herself is in a union and even if she wasnt would expect somebody who is as vulnerable as you to have support and represent you at this difficult time.

I have been off work with depression for nearly 10 months with stress and depression. The Occupational Health Dr has said that I am likely to qualify as disabled under the Equality Act 2010. (A condition which lasts or is likely to last for 12 months or more and which has a considerable impact on day to day activites (like concentration,memory etc) Your employer will have to make "reasonable adjustments" to enable you to return to work and this could include support and a phased return to work to enable you to do the job that you did prior to going off sick.

Good Luck - if you dont feel comfortable taking a Union Rep then at least see if you can take a friend to support you

jo

x
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FormerMember over 13 years ago

Hi Caroline,

I have no practical experience therefore no real practical advice, sorry. I do agree with what Sharon has said though. It explains your position to Colette and she should understand your reasoning in taking some with you as she is also juggling the boss/colleague/friend situation. As harsh as it sounds and I don't mean it to, I'm just asking the question -

which would come out on top - work decisions she has to make or friendship? I know you value her friendship and wish for it to continue but you do also need to think of and protect your own position.

Massive hugs

Max xxx
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FormerMember over 13 years ago

Hello Caroline,

As you know, we have gone over this via pm's, but just reading this blog and the comments made has reminded me that, as JohnR has pointed out, you ARE entitled to have copies of ALL of the minutes of ALL of your meetings. Maybe you have already received copies of the first few meetings, but if not, it is not too late to ask now.

I'll put more in another pm. Take care and stay positive - you're doing well! Love and hugs, Rose x x x
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